just like all of the other holidays, I surrendered the welcoming of new years 2013 to the very opposite of tradition according to my life in the past 27 years. most of it is because I had work, but a lot had to do with the work I had to continue about entering this year jumping head first in another zone of transition with my safety net once again woven by my trust in the universe.
id be lying if I said I was a happy person these past few weeks. with all the spirit and the energies put out by everyone, I couldn’t help but feel mostly alone, empty, and fearful of how things were going to turn out for me. ive sadly let those feelings take over much more than id like to admit. the funny thing is, it is exactly the same feeling I had when I stepped on a plane exactly a year ago to move here and wow, look how far ive come!
to say im proud of myself for the first time in my life is a severe under-statement. in doing what ive done, I have become what I knew I always was, an exception to the rule. being an exception is a gift as its those people who are the brave ones who truly realize what it means to deliberately create their story EXACTLY the way they want to.
with this however, comes the great responsibility of dealing with fears, people, beliefs and general feelings that you are not where you ‘should’ be according to everyone else. those that make it past the first round will realize there are many layers of this to shed. in fact, you will CONSTANTLY be transforming. your path will be lit by as much signs of loss as there are gains. and each time, you will realize that the only truly thing that matters deep down EVER is the relationship you have with yourself.
this year, I am dedicated to . . .
embracing all feelings, good + bad.
devote at LEAST as much time for myself as i do for others.
continue to find, refine and LIVE my passion, my fire, my purpose.
take the leaps of faith that my heart tells me to.
be myself, fearlessly.
shedding my past was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. and now I stand here having been through an entire year of being this incredible new version of myself only to realize that I am ready to shed THAT past as i am left with ANOTHER blank slate here in hawaii. jumping last time created a life I never dreamed of. and jumping again with all this wisdom, love and purpose can only mean a more beautiful, powerful dream.
I counted my new years spent when I skyped with my family on the east coast at 7pm hawaii time. after that I tried to meditate on the year ahead and plant those metaphorical flowers, but eventually, everything told me to sleep. woken up by fireworks with 4 minutes left of 2012, I walked up onto the deck to watch new years from a totally different perspective . . .
i was on an island, i had no boy to kiss . . . hell, I didn’t even have a PERSON there to embrace! still, I breathed in the tension and excitement that was thick in the air. I heard somebody outside say ‘one minute!’ while I counted down in my head with joyful tears in my eyes in celebration of the past of my journey in 2012 and the excitement ahead for 2013.
the fireworks were beautiful, especially the heart shaped ones. looking at them, I couldn’t help but wonder about these sacred moments and how there are only a few times a year that warrant such a thing. I imagined what it would be like if all of us, or at least more of us chose to create a life that deserved ‘fireworks’ every day.