I kept saying to myself, “I’m still ME.” You know– it’s still me in here –
regardless of the extra thirty pounds.
But, I realized very recently, that statement is not exactly true.
I have changed.
The weight has changed me…
I am not as energetic, not as spontaneous, not as “full of
life” as before. My self esteem has diminished and my confidence is not as
high. I’m less flirtatious, less flamboyant, and my choice of
attire has changed.
I’m slightly depressed from time to time, annoyed, and
disgusted by my own reflection.
Perhaps disgusted is not the right word – but definitely irritated and
I think, maybe, I am funnier than before – always making
jokes about myself…I suppose that’s a self-preservation mechanism.
Nonetheless, my circumstance is what it is; I’ve arrived at
this juncture by my own accord.
Although, I did take estrogen for the last four and a half years and
that had a huge influence on my weight gain. Ladies, watch out for hormone replacement therapy!
Last September I rebelled and stopped all medications and
have yet to inform my gyno. I’m
working on the hormonal thing naturally and am hopeful that the situation will
soon resolve. However, I am still
left with a thirty-pound weight increase and it is very upsetting.
I don’t particularly like to exercise, partially because I
look hideous in work out clothes.
I adore food and am quite partial to wine; after all, my entire
background has been in the food industry.
But, I’d rather look like “Giada De
Laurentiis” and not “Paula Deen”, no offense.
In the past, I have been most successful at losing some
weight with abstaining from carbs.
But, I have tried almost every fad diet out there – all with varying
degrees of success, or lack thereof.
I even kept a journal about some of the more ridiculous
diets; aptly named “My Big Fat Fad Diet Diary.” ~ See, I told you I was funny.
First Step – Honesty:
I realize now that my weight gain is not solely limited to the physical
Second Step – Acceptance: I cannot change the present by dwelling on the past, how or
why I am at this moment, or by placing blame on my dietary habits vs. estrogen
therapy…None of that matters.
Third Step – Momentum:
“Motivation + Movement = Momentum.” So, I need to get motivated, start
moving, and then the momentum to keep me going will be the result of the
Fourth Step – Eliminate “TMI”: As in “Too Much Information!!” Alas, I am a nutritional researcher who knows way too much
about all the varying degrees of dietary habits, their influence on health and
longevity, diets to stave off disease and illness…the list is long, detailed,
grand, and contradictory.
Fifth Step – Implement a plan that works for me, right now,
based on my personal experiences, my body, and my lifestyle.
Sixth Step – Blockade the opinions of others. Everyone has an opinion about
weight loss and what works for him or her; they may have a vast or limited amount of knowledge on the
subject. I am already super aware of all the various studies, recommendations, styles, approaches, and techniques; most of which are in direct conflict with the other.
Seventh Step – Ready, Set, Go!
Stay tuned for updates of my progress ~ I plan to keep a detailed
journal, including taking a photo of everything I eat…that should keep me
Not to worry – I’m not going to post my journal here – but will
let you know how it’s going from time to time.