The thing I've figured out about emotional eating is that it happens without time to evaluate whether or not it's emotional hunger or real hunger ..... or else it happens without my caring that it's emotional. Emotional Eating Happens. The self loathing that follows pretty much sucks.
Bad habits are very easy to fall back into. In this case, it's grazing. Again, the self loathing comes on strong after reflecting on what I've done.
It's one thing to plan a bad day on purpose. It's quite another to have a bad day happen and be totally out of control because of emotions and bad habits. I've had two bad days back to back.
Friday I spent the day at the scrapbook store. I packed up my gear and used their workroom for several hours, working on scrapbooking projects. They provided snacks for croppers - M&M's and ChexMix. I had more than my share. Grazing. Mindless nibbling. Those little bites add up to big time calories.
Saturday I vowed to have a better eating day. I did pretty good up until around 8pm when I got seriously pissed about some computer problems and let some other emotionally suppressed crap get to me. I ended up with a bowl of ice cream - low carb variety, but still bad in the quantity I had and especially for the reason I had it. Add in some cheestos that never should have been in the house and some Snackwell's cookies. Ok... let's just say it was a very bad night. I knew it was emotional eating. But I couldn't stop myself because my emotions were too strong to even care. I went to bed in the midst of a dumping episode - racing heart, extreme bloating and nausea. I deserved it for how I behaved.
So this morning I got out of bed with some serious self loating going on. Beating myself up. Vowing to do better today. I tried to do some meal planning this morning, but I didn't even want to think about food. But without a plan I knew I'd be out of control again. So I have a rough plan for the day. Just want to be good today.
EDITED TO ADD -- Sunday turned out to be just as bad of a day as Friday and Saturday. Maybe worse. I don't know what my problem is. Feels like self-sabotage at this point. Really need to get my head screwed on straight because I can't let this continue.