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Do Mommy Wars exist?

Posted Sep 23 2013 5:27am

One day, maybe I'll stop offering an explanation when a visitor walks into my house to find Nolan's eyes glazed over in front of the TV or he is eating crackers for lunch or he is refusing to do what I ask him to do.

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I shouldn't.

There is that side of okay, I don't have to answer to everyone for everything I do. We could have had a perfect day up until the moment that thing I am offering excuses for what just happened; I don't have to prove that to anyone.

But there is this other side of maybe we should talk more. Maybe we should listen more.

I hear a lot about The Mommy Wars...but you know, sometimes I wonder if they actually live in our insecurities and are pumped up by media.

I haven't experienced any sort of Mommy War other than the ones inside myself. She probably thinks I shouldn't be working at all. ..She doesn't respect me because I don't have a career. ...I can't talk to her about this because we ______ differently.

NONE of my fears have been founded in someone else's remarks. They've come from the messiness and uncertainty that comes with being somebody's  mother. They've come from old insecurities and the feeling that there must be one end-all, be-all book on how to be a parent in just the right way in my particular family and I am missing it.

There are times when I feel like, "Hey, I love my child, we're doing great, I got this." There are other times when I want to yell into a canyon, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!!"

Those are the times I need to talk most. I need to share my story and I need to hear yours, even if it is different than mine (because it's going to be.)

I think the story-sharing is why I have a hard time believing that The Mommy Wars actually exist. If you tell me you've experienced them through actual words of other people, I will believe you. But I really believe if we get to know each other's stories, instead of looking for where we stand on a particular issue, the wars won't exist between us. Maybe there will even be the support we all very much need. No one was meant to raise children alone.


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