Did I really choose this way of life...What I choose now!
Posted Apr 01 2009 2:52pm
Over the last few days I have been pondering if I really chose to live my life for the last 20 years as a morbidly obese person. The only response I can come up with is no. Over the past 20 years I have focused on raising my family and not really myself. When I turned 40 last year I decided it was going to be all about me no matter what and I would do whatever I had to and achieve my goals. One of the many things I have noticed since starting this journey is my attitude and how it has changed. I really take a look at myself everyday (in the past I did not care) and really focus on my appearance and how I view myself and I also take the time to plan my day according to my exercise routine and meals for the day. It is still surprising to me how life can change in such a short period of time. I would have never thought twice about doing anything other than working and getting things done for my family. Being morbidly obese for so long was not something I had planned when I was younger I had dreams and goals that never got fulfilled. But I do not believe in regret I believe in setting new goals and doing whatever you need to do to accomplish them.
Other things I have noticed since I have lost some weight (mostly in my face) that people are taking notice. I am asked all the time what have you been doing to yourself you look great -but since I am not used to all the positive comments it is still hard for me not to think of myself other than the obese person I have been all these years - I am working on it! I am so used to not being recognized when I am in the room, our someone holding the door open for me since I am not the pretty girl (skinny hot girls) or being invited anywhere because they are embarrassed to have the fat girl around (I have actually been told that to my face) - when someone notices something I am shocked and not really sure how to respond. I am working on taking the compliments and making them a positive one for me and just saying thank you for noticing and just getting used to the idea of being "normal" (if that is what you call not being fat).
Being fat in this time and age is considered being an outsider. Our society makes it hard for anyone who is obese to be scene as anything other than that. It saddens me to know that many people will not get to know me because all they see is a fat girl. I have been mooed (like a cow) at from strangers - do they think just because I am fat that I must be deaf! I do not understand how society can let people judge you in this way or even treat people as they choose. So the next time you are out and see someone that is obese don't judge them for that reason (we really should not judge anyone) look inside their eyes and you might be surprised by what you see (I am not trying to preach on this subject it is just close to my heart and felt I needed to share).
I have chosen a new path in my life and I choose to achieve that goal by this time next year with all the love and support from my friends (new ones included) and family I know my journey will be the best it can be and I will succeed!