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Creating Your Support System

Posted Dec 17 2009 2:51pm
Choose to ask for support!
Choose to ask for support!

Have you ever been in a place of distress, whether it’s illness, grief, stress, or general upheaval, and found yourself longing for help from someone?  Anyone?  Please, God, just somebody help me?  And then getting a bit angry at God and everyone for not helping?

I have certainly been in that place many times, and I’ve noticed my anger quickly morphs to resentment towards loved ones and even random strangers on the street.  I feel alone, in a dark hole, and at a loss.  After roughly three million trips down this road, I have finally figured out how to climb out of the dark hole.  It’s so simple it’s almost ridiculous.  Here’s the secret:

Ask for help.

I know – light-bulb moment!  It’s so easy to be angry at everyone for not helping, but how can they help when you don’t ask?  Nobody else knows what it’s like inside you, so expecting them to know you need help just doesn’t make sense.   We often have a million reasons for not asking.  Such as:

He/She is going through a rough time right now.
I don’t want to be a burden.
I’m not worth it.
I should be able to do this all on my own.
I can’t afford it.
And so on…

These are all mental lies, designed to keep you in the place of powerlessness.  It never feels good to be the victim, although it can seem good, if you listen to your mind.  Your mind will toss out strong, valid-seeming reasons that you are wronged, and for a moment, you will feel justified and boosted.  Until the air leaks out of that balloon and there you are, by yourself, needing support and not asking for it.

Think how simple things would be if we were all just honest.  If you said – hey, I need help, could you please talk to me for an hour today?  We’re all so worried about what others will think of us, that we’ll appear weak, that we’ll appear vulnerable, and that we will lose friends or respect, that we lose our integrity.  Honesty is worth gold.  If I ask for help and that person can’t give it right now, I want to know.  I want to work towards a solution.  If someone needs my help, I want to know.  I like being honest with myself, too – who can I realistically expect to love and support me?

The more you ask for help, the easier it gets.  The very act of honestly asking for help begins to pull you out of the victim role.  You are choosing to reach out for something, which is actually YOU helping YOU.  Start today.  Who is on your support list?  If your list is small, that’s okay.  Start now, and you’ll begin to build your support system.  It starts with basic honesty.  You can be honest with the grocery store clerk you’ve never met before, and ask for help with your groceries.  You can be honest with a new friend, an old friend, or someone who you’d like to befriend.  Take responsibility for building your support system, and you will begin to reap the rewards.

I used to be afraid to ask, but I am done with that!  It’s a waste of time.  Now, I ask everyone.  Interestingly, I find that I am also more available for others.  This week, I reached out to a fellow coach and asked for coaching – twice.  I asked my mom for help on Tuesday.  I asked my husband for help last night.  I asked a group of friends for help yesterday.

All these small and large moments of help add up.  I feel good, and now I’m able to return the favor for my fellow coach – who asked for help.  I’m here, fully present, filled up, because I took responsibility for my own inner needs.  We are humans who long for connection.  But it is our job to reach out and connect.  It is our job to get specific about what we need or want, and verbalize it to others.

What do you need today?  Who do you need it from?  If they’re not available, who else would you contact?  I invite you to try it!  The more you ask, the more you’ll find that you are also available to support you.  You are also a great resource for yourself!  Create your support system anew each day.  Everything is a two-way street.

For example:  I write this blog to support you, in your journey toward health, weight loss, happiness, and spiritual connection.  You support me by reading it – without you, it would not be the same!  We are connected.  Sometimes you write me emails, and I support you by answering.  Today, I’m asking for your support!  I’m going to spend two weeks with myself and my family, and won’t be writing.  So I ask you to kindly wait two weeks for the next post, and then join me again in January for a fun year of new topics!  All support is ebb and flow, give and receive, and constant movement.

Speaking of the holidays, I’d like to send you a quick energetic gift.  Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and know that I am sending you love and am full of gratitude for your participation and communication.  You make my days fun, because you listen, read, comment, email, and get coached.  I am grateful for every single person who reads what I write, and I’m wishing you all a fabulous holiday season.

And to my fellow coaches out there – thank you for your ever-present gifts and talents, and know that I am sending you all lots of love as well.  Sometimes it might feel lonely, sitting in your room there, in front of your computer, writing, putting your work out there into the world.  Know that you are always connected, even without phone calls or emails, to myself and all the other coaches.  Breathe in that connection and love whenever you need a lift.  And – create YOUR support system, too!  Reach out and email, pick up the phone, or whatever, but take a moment to connect.  It starts with you.

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