I know a man who went to his wife and asked for a divorce because he was no longer happy or satisfied in his marriage. He was very passionate about his desire to end the relationship. The wife agreed and they proceeded to take actions separate and dissolve a marriage of 18 years. The man was getting what he wanted right? One would think so, however when the wife started to live a life independent of him he became upset, he became very angry and upset over her behavior. It appeared that he wanted his freedom, however he was not willing to give his wife her freedom. The husband is now more distraught then ever as his confusion over what he desires escalates.
I know another person who desires that which she can’t readily have, be it food, things, relationships, etc, if she can’t readily have it she strongly desires it, once what she desires becomes readily available in her life then she no longer is interested in what she once longed for with great passion. Is this person confused about what she wants or is she motivated by the chase or by the rarity of something?
How many times have you been sure of what you wanted, got what you wanted and then discovered that it was not what you really wanted? If you are like most people this has happened to you on more than one occasion. For some people this happens frequently. When this happens to us we become confused. How could we be so sure of wanting something to the point where we manifest our desire into being only to discover that we really didn’t want what we thought we wanted? How can we be so confused about that which we desire?
I think that much of our confusion over what we desire is because what we desire is often false. Our desires are often fueled by not what our authentic self desires rather what culture tells us we should desire, what the media tells us we should desire and the fact that our ego buys into the false desires that are laid before us. We are taught that success is measured by what we are able to obtain, be that material goods like houses, cars, electronics, and money or be it position, power and relationships. We are taught that to desire more is a good thing and that we should be ambitious in our desire to accumulate more stuff in our lives. We are taught to compare ourselves to others and to desire that which others have. We are taught that having more is better and that having more is the yardstick by which to measure our success and we should have goals to obtain that which we desire.
Truth is we get so wrapped up in the desire to get the next thing that we become disenchanted when we do obtain that which we desire. We may have a feeling of loss, even a feeling of loss of purpose for once we obtain that which we desire, what next shall we do? For most people they then begin to desire something new and the circle of desire and dissatisfaction continues which creates more confusion about what we desire.
Note, I am not suggesting that ambition is bad or that desiring more is bad. What I am suggesting is that we need to stop and evaluate our desires and understand if these desires serve us or if they drive us further out of alignment with our spirit. If the answer is that our desires are not aligned with our spirit, that is they are false desires we must then let go of these desires and look inward to understand the motivation behind our desire.
One of the major issues with desire is that almost all desires are predicated on an outcome and with outcome based desires comes expectations. Very often the rub comes in when the outcome does not live up to our expectations.
Conversely when our desires are motivated by love we are able to detach from expectations and simply allow that which we desire to be. Love has no expectations of outcome and thus we remove the confusion that comes with desires that are outcome based, we remove the confusion because we have no expectation of an outcome.
When we are “being now”, then this moment is not attached to outcome, this moment is without expectation. I am sure you can reflect on pure times in your life, moments that were pure bliss. Ask yourself why these moments were so pure; what were you doing, what were you thinking? I believe as you reflect on this type of moment you will take note that there were no expectations, there were no goals in that moment, there were no other thoughts nagging at you and pulling you away from being in the now. The fact is that you were fully present in the moment; it was as if time stood still and you were allowed to simply be. The really cool thing is that you allowed yourself to simply be! You are the creator of your life. Your experiences are that which you create and therefore you have the ability to allow yourself to live in moment and feel as if all time has stopped in order for you to be.
The wonderful thing is that one does not have to wait for these blissful moments to happen. We do not have to live in confusion of our desires. We each have the ability to understand our desires, detach from outcome and BE!