Do you remember the thankfulness and Happy Day Project stuff I was writing about?
I don't know how all that came across (and I am a little curious)
but I'm in the mood to explain a bit of it.
I needed them.
I wonder sometimes if I seem like a Pollyanna, sunshine and puppies kind of person.
I can be that kind of person, probably. (I can also be high-strung, laid-back, thoughtful, inconsiderate, dramatic, creative, understanding, fun, or completely out of energy, depending on when you catch me.)
I've been in a funk since Nolan's first birthday.
I've had some genuinely good times, but I couldn't shake the bittersweet from my heart and my face.
During this season, there's a lot of,"What do you want (for Christmas)?"
You know what? I have a great life. I have a husband that will go through anything with and for me. I have friends and family who love me no matter what. I have an incredible little son whom I marvel at every single day.
What I really want right now is to learn to be content.
I've been having a hard time dealing with life. I've been carrying around a sadness and I've started to annoy myself. I want to jump out of my own skin and I just can't believe it when anyone wants to spend time with me. Any assurances as a mom or a person, in general, have been met with resistance.
My friend Kelly reminded me that we get to choose how we interact with life.
So I stopped ridiculing myself for not being okay. Judgement is a waste of time, thoughts, energy, and it leads to being unnecessarily hard on other people, too. Also, it doesn't change anything...but letting go of the pressure to be different does. Putting what I'm struggling with into words, judgment-free, takes some of the weight off the situation.
I got my booty to a yoga class because going does so much for my mind and spirit.
I decided to give a little bit more, be a little bit more open without expecting to be validated, and write more to work out the difficult parts.