I can’t believe it’s September already…the time passes by so quickly these days, and that’s part of the reason why I wrote Thursday’s post in regards to turning 30. I haven’t had time to elaborate more on the direction in which I plan to head, because I’ve been busy being present…with my best friend and my family. I’ve taken some time, though, to think about my priorities, and while I think about them every day anyhow, I wanted to take some time to approach them in a more present way.
As a mom, my main priority is always my family – I want everything I do to reflect positively on them, and that will never change. So my health (mental, emotional, and physical) is right up there with them. In the case of my personal priorities, though, they always change, but there is one thing that remains constant:
For over about two months now, I’ve been running The Weekly Chase – a project to link-up bloggers in attempts to build great support systems. In light of my birthday post, I’ve decided that I no longer want to run the project.
I want to live presently and not held down by specific goals. Of course I’ll have goals – I love goals, but I don’t want to live each week with the “I should be getting this done” thought rolling around in my head. No “I shoulds”. Just “I cans” and “I got tos”. Guilt doesn’t equate to joy.
I haven’t been a shining Weekly Chase example. I set goals, and like many of you, I got some of them done and I missed some of them entirely. However, there were roughly 20 “chasers” involved in this project, and I wasn’t able to take the time to cheer every single one of you on. I couldn’t visit every blog every week. I felt guilty most of the time, because I set up a project that I couldn’t always back 100%. (Does this make sense?)
Goals, in my (current) eyes, need to have a certain amount of passion involved. I feel like my goals were redundant…ongoing…and typical. Boring. They are goals that should be coming natural to me right now (and typically do). Working out. Planning meals. Drinking water. Boring. I have more on my mind than those things, and this blog is meant to do so much more than bore you.
I hate, hate, hate that I feel guilty and let down if life happens and I “miss” a goal. Jess knew it. She knew it before I did. No matter how much I tell you all that I’m not going hard on myself, I do…and over goals that I can normally meet. (And just because they’re posted here, if I don’t do them, I feel the word “fail” creep back into my mind.) I do not want you all to be posting goals and feeling the same word creeping up in your vocabulary. Not healthy – and that means I want nothing to do with it.
I loved the friendships that were created out of this project, and I don’t plan on letting them dwindle just because I won’t be running a weekly project like this. It’s taken a lot of thought on whether to let this project go, but I think it’s for my own good and for yours as well. Goals are personal. Very personal. They may not be so personal that they aren’t meant to be shared, but they are personal in terms of the emotion that goes into them. Failure, success, anxiety, and fear; you name it, it’s there. It’s not as simple as running a “What I Ate Wednesday” project…goals require a lot of thought, SMART planning, and dedication. Goals can’t always be shoved into a 7-day timespan, and I don’t want to focus on the gogogogogogogo any longer. I don’t want to feel guilty for living life and taking it as it comes.
PS: Feel free to #weeklychase for as long as you want! I’ll keep my eye on that hashtag!