Lately it seems like all of my posts start with an apology for not posting much…and then move on to bitch about something. Because apparently I’ve been all kinds of grumpy lately. And sadly, I think it’s the dreaded B word. Burnout.
I’ve tackled running burnout before. But lately, I’ve been facing a whole nother monster of burnout. Job burnout. Blog burnout. Life burnout.
I need a vacay. Badly. Because tonight, all I can do is cry that I have to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.
There was a precipitating factor that led to the ultimate meltdown tonight. And I’m not sure if I can/should/will share it on the blogeroo. But let’s just say I’ve already been feeling a little short about my job lately and today I got what I felt like was an f-ing slap in my f-ing face by a client.
So I discussed with my boss, who said I’m A-OK. And, I tried to find the humor in it with coworkers. And, I cried on my way home. And cried into a glass of wine. And cried to the lovely Honorable Justice Brennan Snugglypants (aka, the pup).
And now I’m going to bed.
But, it was still a slap in the face. In a job where the work makes me want to cry because my little liberal heart bleeds from empathy. And where our clients, on average, treat us like scata. So, I was pretty upset.
But I WILL wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow. And I will be back to my normal, peppy, optimistic self if it’s the last thing I do. But hopefully, it won’t be the last thing I do.
And, I need to take care of myself better. Because part of all of this is my fault. I’m burning the candle at both ends. Utterly emotionally exhausting job for half the day and utterly physically exhausting hobby for the other half. And in between, I’m lucky if I get an hour to myself to just sit and relax. But tomorrow, I reinstitute daily yoga. Like I used to do when I was all zen in law school. Before I became a malcontent lawyer.