Bittersweet

Good morning my dears,

I’m sorry if I’ve been a little inactive lately… Sometimes life gets in the way of joy, and sometimes grief gets in the way of life.

I’ve often heard the phrase “I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep,” from friends and family when they describe grief or heartbreak. Being me, I sympathized, but couldn’t possibly imagine skipping a meal (!) or staying awake with my thoughts.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned that I am completely capable of these physical symptoms of emotional stress.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I’ve escaped into class and physical activities so that I can focus on other things. Of course, my body needs more fuel to support this sudden surge of exercise, which only makes things harder. So I’ve regressed my palette to simple, sweet meals packed with protein to get me through. The easier to swallow, the better.

{volumnious oats with chocolate protein powder, strawberries and ground flax}

I’ve also taken myself on little walks in my neighborhood to reacquaint myself, well, with me. She’s a sweet young thing once you get to know her, and I’ve been surprised at how well we’ve been communicating now that we have to work together to carry this big, heavy load of emotions.

And now that I’m listening, she certainly does have a lot to say!

The other day, as I was walking, I stopped in front of an adorable tea boutique. And something clicked: ”I want to turn this into an opportunity to improve my life. I want to do something every day that makes me happier, healthier. And today I’m going to start with teas and organic sweetener.”

I’m lucky enough to have a lovely friend who works there, so she spent time helping me pick two teas to try this week. I’m going to make it a ritual to go each weekend for a new magic potion.

 I used to take a splenda-laced coffee to class every day, but yesterday I brought a mason jar of bright green tea with agave and I could feel how grateful my body was for this small change in my daily routine. And I felt, fleetingly, happy (?) as rays of liquid sunshine trickled down my throat. Or at least proud of myself for doing something progressive.

It sometimes feels as though this sadness has stripped me down to the bone, but now I’m taking this opportunity to rebuild and improve the person that I am, mentally and physically (by far the easier option of the two, which is why I’ve started with tea).

Small changes; baby steps. Hang in there, readers, while I try to regain my footing.