Lets not beat around the bush here, I have totally flopped on the Balancing Money plan I made for myself. Its not that I totally threw the concept out the window, its that my relationship with money is different now.
When I first started this journey, I had an overwhelming fear of my first ever student loan. I never owed anyone such a large sum of money before and it scared the shit out of me. So many what if’s whirred in my brain . . .
What if I cant pay it?
What if I’m late on my bills?
What if we cant pay rent and get kicked out of the house?
What if I have to ask for help?
Well one thing did change about this fear . . . IT’S WORSE!
In case you don’t know, I plan to start my own business right out of school and this adds so much weight to my fear and a whole bunch more what ifs.
But its not been all bad lately. I’ve dug deep about this tumultuous relationship found that I was treating this whole saving plan like an obsessive diet that was all too familiar to me. I would starve and binge (save and splurge) and I wouldn’t really LIVE until I was at a certain weight (or I had enough money saved). I tied my worth to my weight (money) and so goes the cycle.
I explained in a previous post that I would only spend money on what I believe in which has made a huge difference. It has allowed me to open up a whole other journey that has allowed me to live and have fun and also stay savvy.
My fear of money is something I’m working on but in order to do that I must stop doing these monthly updates. Having to track all of this and stay accountable to these rules that I set just isn’t in line with what I feel anymore and I hope you all understand.
I still will be posting in this series because I still have a lot of tips, tricks and random musings about money that I would love to share.
In the meantime, I am eyeing up this book . . .
Anyone ever read it? Do you share my fears about money? How did you handle your first big loan?