I'm feeling as down and out as I was after splitting from the ex. I have nothing to give. I'm just one empty vessel right now.
Even throughout Soldier's 455 days of deployment, I was able to whip out the occasional gratitude list or something. These days, I got nothin'.
I suppose that's proof again that I feel healthier when I'm in a relationship.
I'm gonna have to get over that, aren't I?
---
After the struggle of being in my bed ill all day Tuesday, and having a very difficult conversation with Soldier yesterday, today wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine either.
I found out today that my job is at risk.
I work for a company of 15 people, 4 of which are owners of the company. One of the owners is an old friend and hired me for this job 2 years ago. Well, personalities clash sometimes, right?
One of the owners, who is a long time employee and only recently bought in as an owner, apparently doesn't like my personality. It was brought to my attention shortly after I was hired. Within a few weeks of getting the job, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated.
He began complaining to the other owners that I was "mopey".
He never asked me why.
We became friends, or so I thought, but I've noticed recently that he rarely speaks to me anymore. He hasn't said anything to me directly about being disappointed in my work. Yet I found out today that he is trying to convince the other owners that I should be replaced.
Thankfully, my friend warned me of this today and said they would be watching me closely over the next few months. He said he would like to see me look more motivated about my job and that he could only protect me for so long.
It should motivate me but it has actually taken what little wind I had... right out of my sails.
Ironically enough, I had recently mentioned to a few ex-co-workers that I'd like to do technical work again. I had given up the techie side of life after being a stay at home mother. When I returned to work as a single mother, I felt most of my brain power was spent on my children. I was also limited on job choices since I couldn't travel. I've been feeling the itch to return to technical work, though I would be facing lots of training to catch up.
I have to look at this as a perfect opportunity.
But for now, I'm numb, heavy and even more depressed than before.
---
The only brightness to my evening was watching Rose's soccer game tonight.
My baby girl scored her very first goal!!
I am actually hoarse from cheering her on. I am a proud mama. And she is pretty darn proud of herself too!
On the drive home, she was telling her sister and I about the "most importantest things to know about soccer":
Kick the ball
Pay attention
Score at least 1 goal
Oh, thank God for our little ones and their fresh perspectives.
I think she just reminded me to remember the "most importantest things" about life.
Remember to laugh - I take life WAY too seriously.
Pay attention - each moment has something magical if you're looking right in front of you.
Be grateful - I will start my gratitude lists again here. I promise.
---
With that in mind, I would like to share one of my favorite scenes from Seinfeld. I can barely watch it without cracking at least a giggle. Kramer... he's so friggin' awesome.
I feel like I'm living this scene in so many of my relationships now!! Even, apparently, at work!
It seems to me that many people just don't say exactly what they want or what they expect. I feel like Kramer.... trying to decipher the beeps and tones of the messages they're trying to relay, only to find myself exhausted and confused.
Why don't you just TELL me what you want?!?
---
And um... thanks for reading through my gloomy days. You all rock my socks.
I am way too down and gloomy for my own good.
I'm feeling as down and out as I was after splitting from the ex. I have nothing to give. I'm just one empty vessel right now.
Even throughout Soldier's 455 days of deployment, I was able to whip out the occasional gratitude list or something.
These days, I got nothin'.
I suppose that's proof again that I feel healthier when I'm in a relationship.
I'm gonna have to get over that, aren't I?
---
After the struggle of being in my bed ill all day Tuesday, and having a very difficult conversation with Soldier yesterday, today wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine either.
I found out today that my job is at risk.
I work for a company of 15 people, 4 of which are owners of the company. One of the owners is an old friend and hired me for this job 2 years ago.
Well, personalities clash sometimes, right?
One of the owners, who is a long time employee and only recently bought in as an owner, apparently doesn't like my personality. It was brought to my attention shortly after I was hired. Within a few weeks of getting the job, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated.
He began complaining to the other owners that I was "mopey".
He never asked me why.
We became friends, or so I thought, but I've noticed recently that he rarely speaks to me anymore. He hasn't said anything to me directly about being disappointed in my work. Yet I found out today that he is trying to convince the other owners that I should be replaced.
Thankfully, my friend warned me of this today and said they would be watching me closely over the next few months. He said he would like to see me look more motivated about my job and that he could only protect me for so long.
It should motivate me but it has actually taken what little wind I had... right out of my sails.
Ironically enough, I had recently mentioned to a few ex-co-workers that I'd like to do technical work again. I had given up the techie side of life after being a stay at home mother. When I returned to work as a single mother, I felt most of my brain power was spent on my children. I was also limited on job choices since I couldn't travel. I've been feeling the itch to return to technical work, though I would be facing lots of training to catch up.
I have to look at this as a perfect opportunity.
But for now, I'm numb, heavy and even more depressed than before.
---
The only brightness to my evening was watching Rose's soccer game tonight.
My baby girl scored her very first goal!!
I am actually hoarse from cheering her on. I am a proud mama. And she is pretty darn proud of herself too!
On the drive home, she was telling her sister and I about the "most importantest things to know about soccer":
Oh, thank God for our little ones and their fresh perspectives.
I think she just reminded me to remember the "most importantest things" about life.
- Remember to laugh - I take life WAY too seriously.
- Pay attention - each moment has something magical if you're looking right in front of you.
- Be grateful - I will start my gratitude lists again here. I promise.
---With that in mind, I would like to share one of my favorite scenes from Seinfeld. I can barely watch it without cracking at least a giggle. Kramer... he's so friggin' awesome.
I feel like I'm living this scene in so many of my relationships now!! Even, apparently, at work!
It seems to me that many people just don't say exactly what they want or what they expect. I feel like Kramer.... trying to decipher the beeps and tones of the messages they're trying to relay, only to find myself exhausted and confused.
Why don't you just TELL me what you want?!?
---
And um... thanks for reading through my gloomy days. You all rock my socks.