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Anger and Eating

Posted Jun 09 2009 11:16pm
As a general rule of thumb I'm not an emotional eater. When I'm stressed I don't eat at all. When I'm sad or happy or whatever, food isn't a comfort or celebrant. I usually have pretty good control over food and it's not an addictive thing for me.

But apparently anger IS a trigger.

Today started kind of rough. I was tired and a little cranky to begin with and I can feel myself getting to the edge of my limit with being on the run. I went out of town this weekend and was busy Monday and tonight and will have class until late tomorrow. Thursday can't come fast enough.

So anyway, I was already cranky today and because I was tired, my fuse was shorter than normal. Then tonight's training group session didn't go well. I won't whine about the details, but essentially the attitude of the leader of our group stinks. He's insulting and condescending and puts group members down. He's an ex-runner so he doesn't really understand and embrace the difference that walking is. A few snide comments tonight put me over the edge. So I got angry. I kept my mouth shut and just did my thing, but inside I was fuming.

While I was keeping my mouth shut I was thinking about food. It didn't take me long to realize that thoughts of food were my mind's way of tamping down the anger. But no matter how much I tried to push the food thought away, they kept coming back. On the drive home I wanted to stop at every fast food joint along the way and order something. Seriously, I had to force myself not to go through drive thrus. When I passed the last McD's on the way home and I was safe for the last 3 miles I started to cry because I'd been strong enough to resist the food.

Then I got home and instead of cooking dinner I ate crap. Not a lot of crap, but still it wasn't the healthy option I'd planned. And now I'm angry again because I gave in to the emotional garbage.

I'll have a protein shake later and that should salvage the day's calories. I hate this whole thing sometimes. The psychological struggle is tough.

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