Trail: Big Meadows to Showers Lake, Tahoe Rim Trail Distance: 13 miles RT Type: Out and Back Elevation: 7,420′/8,430′ Calories burned: 2,396 The Journey: Epic Experience:Help Send Cancer Fighters to Camp
Yesterday, I embarked on a Trail Running journey as my call to help raise money as part of the Adventure4life team – to help send cancer fighters to a wonderful outdoor camp called, Epic Experience. 100% of the proceeds go to fully fund this camp. Every dollar counts. If you would like to help. You can find out more information here (and much thanks in advance!)
But yesterday, proved to be more of my Wild Journey than my Mammoth Camping Trip (which I still need to blog about!)
Drive Up There
The day started on the road at about 6am. I only got maybe 4 hours of sleep. Stress. Fueled up on a cup of coffee and some toast. Route 89 is gorgeous.
And heading out there early, I had the route to myself. Curving around roads with the beautiful scenery. The sun coming up on the mountains. Beautiful.
Big Meadows to Round Lake
It took me about an hour to get to my destination. Later than I wanted. But the day was still cool.
My journey to heal: I’ve been crying all weekend. I know, not the blog post you were expecting. And I am sure you can see the sadness in the picture. Today, as I write this marks my 7th wedding anniversary to M. only we are signing divorce papers on this very date. I don’t know why the stars aligned it like this. But I believe there is a reason for everything. And I just have to release him. And trust in God. But it hurts so bad.
Some might ask why am I airing my stuff online. And I don’t know that M would appreciate it either. I have all the love and respect for him. But it just didn’t work. We tried hard. And we didn’t try. But I appreciate the time that God did allow him to be in my life. I cherish that.
But it is still very painful.
I have faced so many things since our separation – raw emotions (why do you think I am running so much? good therapy to keep me sane), faced fears, found courage, embarked on small adventures, live on faith in motion… but this was by far my most Epic Adventure.
Because I planned it myself, I didn’t give up and I did it solo. I didn’t back down. That was a first for me. And a Solo adventure builds character. For sure.
Round Lake to PCT
The trail heard me whisper to God. The trees heard me scream. The lake saw my tears fall from my face. I don’t think I’ve every cried so much.
This time it was real, raw emotions. I really faced up them up front. I made a decision to not hide this time behind a drink or other bad habits. Because hiding from them never worked for me. It was time to man up. Find the courage to face them. And it really is tough. Running has been major therapy for me.
But facing the emotions true, also has made me stronger. Wiser. And a Major hard lesson to learn. But I still thank God for it. Thank God for empowering me with the ability to face it. With the Grace to cry. And giving me nature to nurture my soul.
PCT to Showers Lake
The first part of the trail was quiet. I had to face the potential boogie mans by myself (your mind can really enhance fear, right?). The potential Black bears, rattle snakes… I am sure there are mountain lions out here, too. I didn’t have a dog by my side. But I had my 125 decibel whistle to use, if needed. Luckily I didn’t need it.
[insert mass wildflowers and major elevation gain - not shown]
The ascent, the elevation gain up to Showers Lake was a bit tough. And the hardest part of my trip. Gorgeous wild flowers. Unfortunately, trail 101, I forgot my bug patch on the way out the door. The mosquitos loved me. I know, not safe. So I couldn’t stop to take a picture of the flower because as soon as I did, I became food. That part really sucked.
But I made it. Barely. My body was tired, sleep deprived and hungry. I was getting light headed. I stopped momentarily to let my heart rate go down. Map in my hand, using it as a fly swatter. And to eat my Larabar. I was burning a lot of calories.
Showers Lake. This was my point to turn around. and head back. Unfortunately, for me, even in the back country where I needed to be alone. I ran into some friends of the family. Who rode in horseback. M’s friends. And that was the first time I heard someone say, “Your M’s… ex-wife”.
pic from beginning of run
Let’s just say my speed picked back up. As I cursed. And cried some more. The day got hot. 90 degrees. I literally broke in my brand new Merrell’s Mix Master Moves on this trail (I Love). My feet were sore from it. I was sweaty. Mosquito bites adorned me. I didn’t even notice the beauty in nature as I cried. I ran past a rattle snake (only to notice after the fact. eek). As my heart raced up, I slowed down. Used my HR monitor to keep check. Water from the creek helped cool me down. The shade protected me when I got tired. I stuffed another Cherry Pie Larabar down my throat. With the heat and being in a daze. It felt like I was trying to swallow lead. But the loss of calories were high. I had to stay fueled.
Why God? I repeated. Why can’t I keep the people that love me in my life?
Then I made it to my car. Dumped my pack. Threw my shoes off. Wiped myself down with the Body Wipes in my trunk. Sat in my car and cooled down with the AC. Cried some more. Only to listen to a talk show on the radio about having to release any pains and bad moves (like taking one for granted) and having to heal that circle for me, for M, as a whole situation.
[God gives us all that we need. Ironic this would come on my radio at this exact moment]
But this is why today, I had to make the most difficult and conscious decision, I had to to release him. And be okay with that.
But it still hurts so very much.
Mosquito bites: 17 23 or so (I counted this morning)