Reason number one that I like my job is my students. I have fallen in love with them, with learning their cultures, and with helping them get where they want to go. But usually, I don't get to see the end result of my efforts. My class is smack dab in the middle of a long road to education, testing, training, and opportunities for a higher quality of life for my students. It is difficult for them to maintain motivation. And then? It's difficult for me to maintain motivation.
I have wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember. But lately, every time my period comes, I am devastated. I realized a month or two ago that when I was feeling dissatisfied at work, I was hoping a pregnancy would satisfy me. I realized that way of thinking was wrong, wrong, wrong. It is not fair,right or loving to place so much on the shoulders of a baby. I thought I had corrected that flawed way of thinking...but on Tuesday, I cried a whole lot more tears than an unwanted period at the age of almost-25-year-old warrants.
That is when I looked in the mirror and told myself that if I want things to be different, then I better be different. That is when I saw that I was approaching life as if fulfillment should come from my job right now. I didn't (and don't) feel completely right about that. I started to feel like what I really need now are some tangible goals. Goals that can be crossed off.
If you're sitting there, saying , "but Sarah, you can find satisfaction in loving your husband, your family, your church, your neighbors, anyone," you are right. Those are some of the noblest of goals. BUT. For so long, my goals have rested on someone else's shoulders. I wanted to be a youth pastor's wife. I always want to learn to love. I want to be a mommy. I don't regret any of those goals. But right now, it is time for me to dream a little bigger.
It is time for me to live a little bigger. Keep those goals of letting love grow, but go deeper. Then let my day job be what it should be- loving, educating, equipping my students- and not more than that.
I thought about "what if?" What if I start reading books that will exercise my mind and help me be more well-rounded? What if I enroll in two masters classes this year and earn my level 2 teaching certificate? What if I stick to a 3-to-4-days-a-week yoga practice, maybe take a few private classes, and then study to be a yoga teacher? What if? Why not? Why don't I start a "what if? Why not?" list and then go for something on it. Go for more than one thing.
Yesterday was my 25th birthday. And I kicked off my new "what if?" path with a celebration. I celebrated my last 25 years, I celebrated the coming year, I celebrated those who love me. I celebrated life.
First? A yoga class with my favorite teacher at my favorite studio. I returned nice and sweaty. See?
Right after this photo was taken, my mom and I gabbed on the phone, after which I hauled myself into the shower. I was glad I did when I did because I was able to grab a few more precious minutes with my husband. And then...
many precious minutes with my amazing father, who I missed very much. We ate at Good Eatz. And went to Hello, Bluebird, where I picked out this super-cute notebook
to document my ideas, goals, dreams, and plans for my next year. We may have spent a little extra time chatting with the fun and sweet owner, Alex.
Afterwards, I wandered over to Dosie Dough.
This coffee is both organic and fair trade. I talked with the store owner until the next customer came.
I still had a little money left on a gift card I received for my last birthday, so I treated myself to a facial. Nice and clean (and shiny)!
I knew my sister had finished her work day and already had time to decompress, so I invited her to go health-food-store exploring with me. I snacked on one of my favorites after I threw my sheets in the wash (I wanted to keep my skin clean!) while I waited for her reply.
I always have a good time when I'm with Katie. As a bonus, I ended up with a few treats (from her and also from Kimberton).
I munched on a few of my treats to fuel me for the last leg of my big celebration: a few hours with my church family.
I completely enjoyed my celebration. And now? I think I'm ready to start filling in that notebook.
Reason number one that I like my job is my students. I have fallen in love with them, with learning their cultures, and with helping them get where they want to go. But usually, I don't get to see the end result of my efforts. My class is smack dab in the middle of a long road to education, testing, training, and opportunities for a higher quality of life for my students. It is difficult for them to maintain motivation. And then? It's difficult for me to maintain motivation.
I have wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember. But lately, every time my period comes, I am devastated. I realized a month or two ago that when I was feeling dissatisfied at work, I was hoping a pregnancy would satisfy me. I realized that way of thinking was wrong, wrong, wrong. It is not fair,right or loving to place so much on the shoulders of a baby. I thought I had corrected that flawed way of thinking...but on Tuesday, I cried a whole lot more tears than an unwanted period at the age of almost-25-year-old warrants.
That is when I looked in the mirror and told myself that if I want things to be different, then I better be different. That is when I saw that I was approaching life as if fulfillment should come from my job right now. I didn't (and don't) feel completely right about that. I started to feel like what I really need now are some tangible goals. Goals that can be crossed off.
If you're sitting there, saying , "but Sarah, you can find satisfaction in loving your husband, your family, your church, your neighbors, anyone," you are right. Those are some of the noblest of goals. BUT. For so long, my goals have rested on someone else's shoulders. I wanted to be a youth pastor's wife. I always want to learn to love. I want to be a mommy. I don't regret any of those goals. But right now, it is time for me to dream a little bigger.
It is time for me to live a little bigger. Keep those goals of letting love grow, but go deeper. Then let my day job be what it should be- loving, educating, equipping my students- and not more than that.
I thought about "what if?" What if I start reading books that will exercise my mind and help me be more well-rounded? What if I enroll in two masters classes this year and earn my level 2 teaching certificate? What if I stick to a 3-to-4-days-a-week yoga practice, maybe take a few private classes, and then study to be a yoga teacher? What if? Why not? Why don't I start a "what if? Why not?" list and then go for something on it. Go for more than one thing.
Yesterday was my 25th birthday. And I kicked off my new "what if?" path with a celebration. I celebrated my last 25 years, I celebrated the coming year, I celebrated those who love me. I celebrated life.
First? A yoga class with my favorite teacher at my favorite studio. I returned nice and sweaty. See?
many precious minutes with my amazing father, who I missed very much. We ate at Good Eatz. And went to Hello, Bluebird, where I picked out this super-cute notebook
to document my ideas, goals, dreams, and plans for my next year. We may have spent a little extra time chatting with the fun and sweet owner, Alex.
Afterwards, I wandered over to Dosie Dough.
This coffee is both organic and fair trade. I talked with the store owner until the next customer came.
I still had a little money left on a gift card I received for my last birthday, so I treated myself to a facial. Nice and clean (and shiny)!
I knew my sister had finished her work day and already had time to decompress, so I invited her to go health-food-store exploring with me. I snacked on one of my favorites after I threw my sheets in the wash (I wanted to keep my skin clean!) while I waited for her reply.
I always have a good time when I'm with Katie. As a bonus, I ended up with a few treats (from her and also from Kimberton).
I munched on a few of my treats to fuel me for the last leg of my big celebration: a few hours with my church family.
I completely enjoyed my celebration. And now? I think I'm ready to start filling in that notebook.