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A Suitable Mate?

Posted Sep 16 2010 5:41pm
By, Vanessa
OurHealth Staff Writer



A new season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta is set to premiere this fall and they’ve added some new faces to the cast. Set to star on the show, as one of the new housewives, is Atlanta attorney Phaedra Parks. By all accounts she’s beautiful, successful and smart and that’s why some people were surprised to find out that she was married to a man with a criminal record.

Many started to question, (yet, again), are black women that desperate to get married or are the pickings really that slim? Why would any woman, let alone a woman with so much going for her, want to settle for a criminal.

Feeling the heat, or the need to defend her personal choices, Phaedra did an interview in which she stated that her husband was convicted of a white-collar crime (racketeering) and that he hadn’t harmed anyone or done anything violent. She then went on to say, “I married my husband because I loved him and he loved me and I think that’s the foundation of any good relationship. I didn’t marry him because of his past or because of his future. I married him because I respected him and I realized⎯everyone should realize that people make mistakes.”

For me her answer is enough. People make mistakes. She loves him, end of story. Love can defy logic and overcome obstacles. People choose to love who they love.

There really wouldn’t have been more to discuss if she hadn’t felt the need to elaborate even further and that’s where, well, she lost me.

She goes on to state - "And so as a Black woman, unfortunately, in our community more than anything a lot of times Black men have had legal problems. And every Black woman who says that Black men with legal problems cannot be considered as a mate, then we help with the genocide of our own community."

Are you kidding me?? If a black women isn’t willing to accept or consider dating a black man with a criminal past then she is contributing to the genocide of her community?

My immediate response is black men who commit crimes are the one’s contributing to the genocide, but is that too black and white? Considering the statistics and the numbers, if a black woman wants to marry a black man, does she have to consider black men who have been in jail?

I could go on a whole – I’m a snob who drinks chai tea and spends all day in the bookstore and I would never settle for that hood shit in my life – but I don’t know. I’ll just leave it open and let everyone think on this topic for themselves.

What do you think?
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