So, I’ve been trying to do one thing a day that scares me. Friday I went to a Military Combat Dining Out…dressed up in camo, got thrown in a tank of water, and was anxious as hell to be in a situation where I could get called out and put in front of everyone. Leading up to it, I was struggling…I was trying to find every excuse not to go. I reminded myself to do it BECAUSE it was making me so anxious, and I ended up having a great time. Today it was all about overcoming a very strong fear I’ve had for YEARS!
I went to the lake with friends yesterday and made the plan to go to the outdoor pool with my boys today! The main thing I always have to get over is going out in front of others while wearing my bathing suit….yeah, yeah, yeah, I know…get over it! I have my retro polka dot swim suit granny swimsuit which was supposed to be cute and Marilyn Monroe-ish…but, it is just plain granny-ish! Either way, I fear swimming and deep water. Technically I can swim, but when I know the water is deep, I panic and feel like my legs have turned to lead. I always spend my time watching the boys having fun splashing and jumping around.
First, I played around more than I normally would, and made sure not to be the worrisome party pooper. Then, I started to watch the others diving into the water and realized I had an opportunity to face the fear once and for all…AND do it in front of my equally scared son! Eric showed me, toes to the edge, knees together, arms up, lean forward and just let yourself fall into the water. It was not the most graceful description or display…I basically belly flopped, BUT I did it! I choked on water, and felt like I was snotting everywhere, but I DID it!!! Then I tried to just cannon ball….this took about 5 minutes of going to the edge and chickening out!
This may seem so miniscule in terms of action, but this was the first time I ever jumped into water. I have edged myself in, slowly slid down over an edge, or just waded in until I got to the point where I felt it was too deep. This was a full on jump in, ass hit the bottom, canon ball! I was so excited that I did it!! I then saw James loosen up, get thrown around in the water, paddled his shark to the deep end and flung himself off. Gavin, who would cry as he got water past his waist, was launching himself off of the blow up shark and even went down the slide a few times!!
It was fantastic to see how perhaps my opening up and facing my fears led my boys to loosen up and just have fun, as well! I did a good number of jumps and attempted dives today! We decided that the boys and I will all join swimming lessons together in the fall, and I could not be more excited!! I have been very proud of the number of things I have done that scare me, and it gives me even more courage to keep going!! You never know, next time I might just go off the diving board!!!
What is something you’ve done today that scares you??