Yup, last night I sent one of my April goals straight down the toilet. Well, not literally of course. Maybe down the gullet is a better choice of words?
As you may recall, I've had "No fast food hamburgers or fries" on my list of goals for both March and April. Last month I did great - not a fry in sight. It's sad to say, but it was kind of hard. I don't drink coffee, I barely drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I'm not a sugar or chocolate fiend but sadly, I do love me a good (?) fast food meal. Scary, huh?
Anyhow, this month I didn't make it. Almost, but I broke down last night. And let me tell you, that junior bacon cheeseburger deluxe and large fries with mayonnaise (yes, mayo on the fries even) was delicious. It was delectable, it was a divine, it was superb! Ha ha. I've been having a tricky couple days and when my sister dangled the forbidden fruit in front of me, I caved.
But it was so worth it.
Over the years I guess I have come to the conclusion that you might be able to classify me as an "emotional eater". Not the type who hides in the closet and overeats their pain and sorrows away, but I will admit that I definitely use food to mark the things that happen in my life, both good and bad. When I have a shitty day, salty fries are such a sinful indulgence that they make me feel better. When something big or exciting happens, a burger is such a treat that I feel like I'm celebrating. I think the "emotional" tag might apply because food makes me happy. I enjoy eating. I look forward to meals because what I eat makes me feel good.
And I'm okay with that.
The flip side of enjoying such bad-for-me food is that I think I lead a pretty healthy lifestyle otherwise. I try to make good choices when it comes to regular eating and my day-to-day meals. I exercise lots and take care of my body. I am fully aware when I make a poor food choice and I generally weigh the risk/reward each time. If I eat this, then I do an extra few kms. Stuff like that. It doesn't make that burger and fries any better for me and I never try to make excuses for eating it or neglect the fact that I know that burger is no better than a pile of pure fat and salt.
So despite my inability to ward off the fast food for April, what have I learned from keeping this goal in mind? I have definitely lessened my propensity to stop and pick up those fries when I'm out. I find that denying myself for awhile forces me to get back in the habit of reaching for other things when I'm happy or sad instead of those fries. So that's a good thing. And whether I caved or not, I'm totally cool with that.
But I just gotta say...damn those salty fries were good last night!