This is my entry for this month's WILF writing project with Robert Hruzek over at Middle Zone Musings.
I absolutely love the idea of love, the head over heels feeling of falling in love, the reliabilty of being in love and the joyous acts of loving - large and small.
As I pondered what I've learned from love for this post I found I had to express what first struck me.
What I Learned From Love Is That It Hurts.
Most of the people in my life did not love unconditionally.
As a matter of fact most of the time there were terms to being loved
if you are a good girl if you are quiet if you do as i say if you act more like so and so do as i say or else if you do this then maybe i will love you I don't love you I certainly don't need you I'm just not going to talk to you anymore I'm leaving
Soooo many people in my life might have at one time or another showed me love only to take that love away
So much so, I know what being loved feels like. In its moment love has had a solid grasp of my heart and my soul.
Yet truth be told what I've know in my heart most of my life was more of an aching to fill it's empty spaces verses a constant richness.
I have often had a longing to be securely held, to be deserved of love.
The desire to empatically be cherished trembles inside me.
Wanting love for me is often fierce.
Giving birth to my children was an awakening. They reminded me of a knowing. An oh yes, I so know this feeling. I found with my children I could give love to them unconditionally. They could not take away the depth of which I cared
Loving them fully gave me blissful twinklings and expressions. Mountains of loving instances in my current lifetime. The best is the promise of more to look forward to, more to come.
For those in my life who loved me with expectations and consequences I cared for them deeply yet somehow it never seemed enough.
Missing for me in my current life is that one single person who loves me no matter what.
Writing, thinking or even feeling the emptiness of that thought hurts.
Because my heart has experienced moments of loving, the missing is sometimes like a haunting
What I adore about the human spirit is it's capacity to strive on