Rattled, Dismayed, but Proud -- My Self-Awareness Breeds Sugar-Free Success
Posted Dec 18 2008 8:12pm
Today's post doesn't feature any SUGAR SHOCKING news. Well, not exactly. This morning's remarks come straight from my heart, my being, my bared soul. They're a reflection of what I'm going through.
You see, I'm really reluctant to show weakness here.
Frankly, I like to trumpet myself -- or at least impress you -- as "Connie, the Savvy Sugar Sleuth." Gone are my days as "Connie, the Sugar Shrew!" who sends boyfriends packing because of her bitchiness. The fuzzy-headed, cry-babyish, angry-for-no-reason, memory-challenged, headache-ridden, heart palpitations-plagued Connie isn't around anymore.
That sugar-obsessed Connie chick took off back in 1998 (after I quit sweets and what I call "culprit carbs"). The late '90s Connie has been replaced by an improved version -- a calmer, sweeter, more coherent lady.
But this week, I've been rattled, heavily tested, and ultimately amused -- OK, more like made more aware.
I'm a private person so I won't give you details, but suffice it to say that I've been going through a major-league, very nasty family crisis -- that's why I haven't written many posts this past week.
For nearly a week, I've been suffering a kind of situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone. The type of scenario that about 99.99999 % of people just never ever go through. (And no, I'm not getting divorced -- in fact, if you read my About Connie section, you'll learn that I'm single -- and in fact, available.)
Frankly, because of the deep emotional, gut-wrenching pain that's confronting me, crying doesn't seem to help much. Escaping in a movie isn't all that satisfying either. Exercise has even lost much of its appeal -- though I did speed walk about 3 miles yesterday. I even found it hard to work so instead I've been cleaning my office -- something that's badly needed, given that I've been immersed in my book for so long.
Uh-oh, I'm committing a HUGE journalistic faux pas here. I'm downright burying the lead, something they taught us in journalism school (when I was getting my master's) to avoid with religious conviction.
OK, here's the lead: I've been tempted by sugary foods several times this week. That's right: Yours truly has taken more than a passing glance at biscotti. This hypocritical Savvy Sugar Sleuth has thought about straying.
Hey, when out to dinner with my buddy earlier this week, I even thought about what chocolate-laden item I would order "if" I opted for dessert. It was downright absurd: I flat out said to him, "Well, if I were going to get a dessert, I would have the chocolate cake." (What kind of role model am I to do that?)
Last night came a fruity kind of "fall." I took a right-before-closing trip to the grocery store to buy organic apples, because I longed for something sweet. Then I ate not one, but two apples, smeared with some sugar-free peanut butter, and because I was concerned about all the sugar (albeit natural), I had some goat cheese to buffer the reaction.
Despite temptation rearing its ugly head, I did NOT slip. I did NOT have processed sugary foods. But I found the idea appealing.
And, as my girlfriend mentioned last night over dinner, before we went to the theater, I sounded like an alcoholic. Because I told her about my sugar desire. That's right: When times get really tough, sugar gets really tempting.
I suppose it would be appropriate to say that I'm proud of myself. I daresay many other people would have succumbed to a sugar binge and fallen "off the wagon," so to speak. The worst I did was hit the apples. (OK, I did gain a couple of pounds today, but my weight is totally back down to normal these days, even though earlier this year, it climbed a bit from sitting on my butt so much working on my book.)
Anyhow, I'm a really STRONG person now. Automatically, I used many of the tips and tactics that have enabled me to be successful for almost nine years. (Techniques I teach you about in my book SUGAR SHOCK!, which is coming out Dec. 26, 2006.)
I'm struck by a profound sense of irony here. My role is to help others find their Sugar Truth. My mission is to help millions -- yeah, that's my goal -- to conquer temptation. My burning passion is to awaken sufferers to the existence of their sugar-reliant reality.
I'm here to help you feel better, live in a more full way, and achieve a level of healthiness that you may never have felt before.
Frankly, I'm at a loss here for a conclusion. I know I've rambled a bit. (Not sure how coherent I've been, because I was up til 3 a.m., upset about all this.)
So, I better come to a close, as self-knowledge that my frail emotional state is making cookies, candies, chocolate, etc. much more appealing than normal.
OK, this is the reality. Until I get over my horror over what I'm facing, I will be tempted. Those darn M&M's will call out to me. Red licorice may even beckon to me. And chocolate anything will entice me.
But I know what I will do.
I'll tackle projects and do errands that I've been putting off for month.
I'll keep busy, busy, busy to keep me from falling down.
I'll do some more Sugary Soul Searching, perhaps even with others' help.
I will stand strong.
I will not let thoughts of chocolate overcome me.
I will remember the horrific consequences of my giving into sweets. (I would feel moody, exhausted, edgy, even more upset than I am now, headachy, etc., etc. Giving in would only make things worse for me.)
And I promise you here, in this public forum: I will NOT give in. I will choose a more sober, wonderful, sugar-free life.
Finally, I'll continue to write here. After all, knowing that I'm supposed to be a role model is enough to keep me in shape.
Also, I'll welcome any support from you here, too.