You’ll excuse me for a moment while I wax all existential on you – won’t you?
You see – now that I’m back blogging I feel more like talking about my feelings than food. I promise it’s just a phase and we’ll be back to food in no time.
As 2012 comes to a close – I been doing some reflecting on the year and have come to realize what a tough year it was for me. Certainly not tough compared to what many others have been through, I realize – and for that I’m always grateful. I’ve tried to remind myself many times this year that ‘everyone is fighting their own battle’. But since I’ve got this forum to talk and reflect – I thought I’d take advantage of it just once before we close the books on 2012.
This time last year – we were driving to Columbus to find an apartment for us to live in together. Mike scored a year-long job down there, and I had been approved to work remotely for 2012 – knowing we’d be coming back to Cleveland for 2013. The day after Christmas we made the 2 hour drive to Columbus, visited 3 apartments, made the 2 hour drive home – and we were set. I couldn’t wait! What a fun little adventure 2012 was going to be – I thought to myself as I fell asleep that night. How very little I knew.
A week or so later – after the movers had come to take all of our belongs from Cleveland to Columbus – I found out that I wasn’t able to work remotely and that I would not be making the move to Columbus with my husband if I wanted to keep my job. Ouch. To make matters worse – I found out that 10+ of my colleagues were getting laid-off. While I knew I was lucky to still have a job – it was a very confusing situation to be in.
So we went into damage control mode and tried to figure out what was plan E (since A, B, C, and D had all gone out the window). My brothers had agreed to rent our house when Mike and I thought we were both moving to Columbus so – I asked how they felt about also living with their sister since I was going to be needing a place to sleep in Cleveland. Lucky for me – I have an awesome family and they let me stay – and I ended up with two fantastic roommates for the year.
Then life became working in CLE during the week and driving to Columbus every weekend with the dogs to see Mike. I’d often drive back Monday morning just so I could spend one extra night with him. Week in and week out – that was the routine.
Then I turned 30. EEK!
Then I left my job of 4+ years and started a new job. A bright, sparkly, new job that has turned out to be fabulous but far more challenging than I anticipated. I’m so happy for the challenge but going through a tough learning curve like that when you already feel alone is pretty rough.
And do you know what’s funny? The whole time my dual Cleveland/Columbus life was going – I just ran around smiling like it was no big deal. Because really – what could I do about it? Pouting and being miserable wasn’t going to help it or change anything. It’s only now that it’s over and my life is back to normal that I realize how truly unhappy I was being apart from Mike. It’s like the Band-Aid was finally ripped off. It sucked. Columbus was fun to explore and play in on the weekends but I would trade that in to have Mike home in a heartbeat.
So really – what the hell is the point of all this? I’m not entirely sure myself I just knew I had to get it off my chest. This year definitely made me a tougher person and made my (already amazing – if I do say so myself) marriage so much stronger. It also helped me put things into perspective. Yes – I struggled, but at the end of the day my husband is back home and my life is back to normal. I know other’s that can’t say the same.
I think that’s really my point. You don’t always know what other’s are going through – so be kind. And think twice before you complain.
I had someone tell me how sad they were because their spouse had to work every Thursday so they wouldn’t see each other one night a week. How do you think that sat with me living 75% of my life away from my spouse? How do you think that would sit with someone who’s spouse is overseas fighting in Afghanistan? I also witnessed someone excessively whining about a having a cold and how they were struggling with it - to a friend who’s mother was fighting cancer. Seems quite trivial when you put the two situations next to each other – no?
My paragraphs of rambling summed up in one sentence?
Thanks for letting me ramble – food posts to come – I promise.