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On the Brink of an Identity Crisis

Posted Nov 29 2010 2:59pm

I’ve blogged before about how, when I began blogging, I’d been advised about not pigeon-holing myself into a domain name/URL that would follow me forever that I might, someday, want to move past.

But so entrenched in my own situation I was at the time, that it didn’t really start to bother me for about a year. So I added (Recovering) to my blog’s title, and then I got pregnant and have been blogging about that … but now I’m about to become a mom and I feel recovered and don’t want to be pigeon-holed any longer.

So please bear with me as I do some soul-searching to see what direction my blog takes in the coming months.

I don’t want to be a recovery blogger any longer … I like thinking it is in my past now; this pregnancy has really given me the confidence to call myself “recovered.” Yes, I still emotionally eat from time to time (what woman doesn’t?!) and it wasn’t always natural to cut back on my gym-time … but I’ve been listening to my body more and more lately and it feels great. I don’t see myself spiraling out of control; any anxieties I have are going to be of a very different kind in a few weeks!

I don’t necessarily want to be a mommy blogger … nothing against mommy bloggers (I read many mommy blogs and love them dearly!!), but that’s just not the niche I see myself in … and yet I AM going to be a mom and have all these new thoughts/feelings on parenthood, nursing (if I can!), expectations, juggling a baby with work/marriage/puppy, etc … and blogging has been therapy for me thus far … so why wouldn’t I give it a go? A friend assured me readers who like my writing  style will stick around even if the substance has changed … so that’s something to consider, right?

And I know I don’t want to be a weight loss blogger, journaling my workouts and food choices and weigh-ins … I totally respect these blogs and see how beneficial they can be from an accountability standpoint, but given my history, that level of obsessiveness and attention to detail is very personal and, frankly, not something I want to share. That being said, I certainly care a great deal about health and fitness and will want to get back into shape within a reasonable time frame (I’m giving myself six months) and that isn’t done overnight or in a vacuum …

So maybe, in thinking this through, my blog will become a synergistic combination of all these things, as my friends Candice and Dawn have alluded to me in tweets today when I brought up the subject.

I don’t know a lot but I do know a few things:

1) I’m taking the full 12 weeks I’m entitled to off from work. Some of it will be paid at full, some at 60%, and a little will be unpaid. But it will be absolutely worth it to me to have that time at home, and maybe I’ll be able to find time for blogging somewhere in there?! :)

2) No matter when she comes, I am having a C-section … which means a lengthy recovery. It also means I won’t be able to exercise for a while (and probably won’t have the energy to anyway!) so I’ll need to listen to my body and do what I can when I can, and not rely on exercise for post-baby weight-loss. Since I haven’t gained too much, I’m hoping it won’t be too difficult to lose, but I really can’t worry about it now, and once Maya is here, I’m pretty sure weight will be the furthest thing from my mind … but at the same time, it’s not something I see myself ignoring, either.

3) Weight Watchers has a brand-new PointsPlus program out today . I had put my account on hold back in May when I discovered I was pregnant, and have been journaling at ever since, just to keep tabs during my pregnancy. But the new program sounds really exciting and scientifically sound and like something I’ll enjoy. So, once I am back home and ready, I plan to re-join (you get extra Points for nursing, so it’s not a true “diet” plan even though it still requires journaling/Point counting). Regardless, there will be no numbers-talk here; generally, perhaps but nothing specific.

So we will see how things go. No promises, no expectations … but I thought I’d lay it all out there now so I have something to turn to when I’m stumbling through sleepless nights and am begging for a written outlet! ;) Thanks for sticking with me as I navigate these waters.



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