Hi! Happy Monday. Did you go to a Super Bowl party? Did you get outside and go for a walk? Did you prepare your healthy meals for this week? Whatever you did, I hope you had an enjoyable day. I was chatting with the lovely Kris at iheartwellness and we were talking about how I could share my gifts and talents with even more people than I currently do. I know in my heart that I am here on this earth to help other women feel their best and to help others overcome challenges that I have struggled with in the past.
In order to better help you and other women, I think it’s best if I go back and share my personal story. It’s something that I have put off for quite a while because it’s frightening to me to share the low points of my 26 years on this planet. But, if I can help other women see that I’ve been there and have overcome these obstacles and now lead an amazing, healthy, happy life, it’s worth it. This isn’t a weight-loss story or a tale of how I overcame substance abuse. It’s my story of how I took control of my health and happiness naturally. I’m going to spread this out over two posts because I have so much to share and don’t want to overwhelm you.
I loved arts and crafts projects
I got started baking at a young age
Childhood
I was always a very creative and outgoing child. I loved to be in front of the camera, had a lot of friends and was always busy with my arts and craft projects. My life was idealistic and I was lucky to have such a great family and support system. Something changed when I was in the 5th grade; my best friend had recently moved to a new school and the friends that I had school started to distance themselves from me and made fun of me. I didn’t understand why they suddenly didn’t like me and I started to feel alienated at school.
The following year, my family moved to a new town and I attended a new middle school. I felt like I was being “passed” around the playground by different cliques of students and didn’t really connect with any of my new classmates. I focused on my studies and was always in the accelerated learning classes. My 7th grade year, I was in a math class with all 8th-graders, the class above mine. I started to make a few new friends and felt like I connected with them a little better than with my fellow classmates. In my final year of middle school, the class above mine was already at the high school and I remember making a few new friends within my class, but never feeling like I really “fit in” with everyone.
Our first formal dance together. We were dressed as the couple from the movie, “Pearl Harbor”
High School
Cross country and track became my main focus outside of my classes at the high school. I loved running and dedicated myself to being disciplined when it came to training for races. I made friends right away with two girls on the cross country team, twin sisters. They were in the class above mine and we have been close friends ever since. I was even a bridesmaid in Laura’s wedding this past summer. Back to high school! The first three years went pretty smoothly. I excelled in school and always received “A’s” in my classes. My perfectionism was in full swing all throughout high school. I thought I had to be “perfect” at everything or people would not approve of me. I would get so stressed if I got a poor grade on an assignment, if I didn’t meet my goal time in a race or if my hair didn’t look good that day. I honestly thought that if I could be just like Martha Stewart, my life would be perfect! I now see the irony in this thought.
I had my two friends, Lindsey & Laura, and we did everything together. I still didn’t feel that close or comfortable with most of the other students, but it didn’t really bother me too much.
Sophomore year of high school, I had the BIGGEST crush on Blake, but never got up the nerve to talk to him. He now says that he had no idea I even liked him. Junior year, we somehow got hooked up to go to a formal dance together and I knew that this was my chance to test the waters to see if he liked me. We started hanging out and within a month or two, we were dating. Sometimes, I wish we started dating when we were older because he remembers all these embarrassing things that I said and did back in high school!
Fast forward to Senior year. I turned into a little stress ball! Lindsey and Laura moved to California for college, Blake moved two hours away to live with him mom and I felt like no one liked me. I now see this feeling as a theme that started back in 5th grade and continued up until a few years ago, but I’m over that now. All of a sudden I felt depressed. I started crying all. the. time. I felt sick to my stomach for weeks at a time. I had anxiety about how well I would do in my races, if I would get good enough grades to be awarded college scholarships and if Blake was dating other girls at his new school. I missed Blake, Lindsey and Laura so much and I honestly felt like no one else liked me.
I ended up not doing track my senior year because I felt so miserable and didn’t want to added pressure of competing in track meets. I graduated as one of our classes valedictorians and remember feeling embarrassed to speak in front of all my classmates. However, I was so thankful to be headed off to college and leaving my small, hometown behind.
My “Core” friends: Courtney & McKenzie
College
I told myself before I took off for college that I was going to a) make lots of new friends and b) be more easy going than I had been throughout high school. It’s amazing what what you can achieve when you make yourself believe things because I made some amazing friends my first day there and felt a little more relaxed about things than I had in high school.
My new friends, challenging classes and fun social life made college a lot more enjoyable than high school. Though, one thing was missing from new life: Blake. Seriously! I think I had to tell every guy that I dated in college about him and I ended up visiting him a few times throughout college. Finally, right before my senior year of college, we got back together and I traveled to Maui any chance I got to visit him. This is also when my anxiety hit an all-time high. I was so convinced that I had to look like a super-model for Blake to want to keep me as his girl friend. (Long story, but I got over it.) I also started to stay in a lot more instead of going out to parties with my friends. I felt like I didn’t “deserve” to go out and have fun because I didn’t look good enough or feel good enough about myself. (Again, I got over this.) The year drug on as I cried and cried, resorted to anti-anxiety pills and started to see a student counselor to help me work through some of my issues. I’m also lucky because Blake was so supportive of my craziness throughout the whole year.
On one of my many hikes on Maui
Layla got all wet from going in the water during this hike.
Post-College
I made it through my senior year of college (I’m seeing a theme with these rough senior years in school) and moved to Maui as soon as I graduated. I thought that my life would be perfect now that I was living with Blake in a tropical paradise. I got a rude awakening! Yes, I was so happy to be with Blake and the sun and beaches were amazing, but I started to experience some major issues within my life:
PMDD
I finally started putting 2 & 2 together. I was an emotional wreck the week before my period. I would spend my days off in bed crying all day. This leads to a very puffy face and unproductive day! I felt like I didn’t deserve to go to the beach or go shopping in the cute shops. I don’t know where those feelings were coming from. My mind would race about all the things that were “wrong” with me. Some mornings, I felt so bad about myself that Blake would sit down and try to “coach” me through these feelings. Let’s just say that the week before my period was especially dreaded each month.
Poor Body Image
I’m like every other girl out there. We look at the celebrities and models in the magazines and wish that our body looked more like theirs. I was working out less and less and my stomach was becoming more and more bloated from the foods that I was eating. I was so embarrassed of how I looked and didn’t want to be seen in my day to day attire let alone a swimsuit. I’d sometimes cry before we went kite boarding and make Blake promise that I looked good enough to go to the beach with him.
Bingeing and Purging
I had bouts of time where I would feel so overwhelmed with my negative emotions and feelings that I would crave the comfort of sugary foods. I remember eating a bowl of ice cream or a plate of cookies and then feeling so bad about myself that I would make myself throw up. I later learned that I was lacking healthy coping skills and this practice was my way of trying to make myself feel better. Luckily, my experience with bingeing and purging was off-and-on and there were oftentimes months between my episodes. I have felt so embarrassed by this piece of my past, that I almost chose not to share it. However, I know that there are other women out there who are going through the same struggles that I have gone through and I want to help them see that they can overcome anything!
Low Self Confidence
There were times when I lived on Maui that felt like I was just following in the shadows of Blake. He had a successful helicopter tour company, he was a pilot, he knew a lot of people around the island, he was my boss at work and he had a whole life set up for himself before I moved there. I gave up on my passions in life and this lead to me forgetting my strengths and what I’m good at. I lost a piece of myself by choosing not to follow my own dreams, stay creative and pursue my own passions. I started to feel worse and worse about myself.
Negative Mindset & Complaining
This lack of confidence, poor body image and overall negativity on my part manifested itself into me becoming a huge complainer. I was always able to stay positive and kind at work and in public, but behind closed doors, I was a complaining machine. I complained to Blake about everything. “All we do is stuff for you and your business. I look fat. I don’t want to go here or there. I just want you to come home and spend time with me.” This behavior went on for a good year or two, I’m very embarrassed to report. Looking back, I now understand that it was all because I wasn’t happy with myself and my choices and I was taking it out on poor Blake.
Gluten-Intolerance
I had always had an upset stomach. Like literally, every single day my stomach would hurt. I also had a bloated stomach that got progressively larger as the day went on. I had really bad, embarrassing gas. My anxiety was starting to flare up. I had this weird mental fog (that I didn’t even realize until I cut the gluten out and my mind became so much clearer.) I was crying all the time. My facial acne was getting worse each month. Let’s just say that I was not cute or fun to be around. I was eating what I thought were healthy foods: whole grain cereals, turkey sandwiches on whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta dinners. I had heard about gluten-intolerance from a friend and even tried a gluten-free diet back in college. What I didn’t know at that time, was that gluten is a tricky little bugger that is in tons of unsuspecting foods. My health and well-being was getting progressively worse as I continued to consume gluten in my diet.
Lack of Life Passion
I have always known that I was meant to accomplish great feats. I’m a hard worker and will bust my butt to get the job done. What was going on back then was that I wasn’t pursuing any of my passions. I wasn’t making homemade cards or creating new workouts. I didn’t know that I could inspire and help other women to feel their best and live their healthy, happy life. I was literally just plugging along, working for Blake’s company and not making an effort to do the things that bring me joy.
Are you depressed yet? Seriously, reading the struggles that I’ve gone through and remembering how I felt during those times is painful. I promise that I have a happy ending to my story. It’s coming up in tomorrow’s post. As embarrassing as it is for me to share my weakest moments, I know that I am able to help other women overcome these painful issues and live a life full of health, self-confidence, positivity and happiness.
I’ll be back tomorrow with all the information about how I overcame each and every one of these issues. Do you ever feel better when you tell others about your past or what you’ve overcome? I’m hoping I feel better once I hit “Publish!”
Don’t forget to comment on *this* post if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook to be entered in the giveaway!
Hi! Happy Monday. Did you go to a Super Bowl party? Did you get outside and go for a walk? Did you prepare your healthy meals for this week? Whatever you did, I hope you had an enjoyable day. I was chatting with the lovely Kris at iheartwellness and we were talking about how I could share my gifts and talents with even more people than I currently do. I know in my heart that I am here on this earth to help other women feel their best and to help others overcome challenges that I have struggled with in the past.
In order to better help you and other women, I think it’s best if I go back and share my personal story. It’s something that I have put off for quite a while because it’s frightening to me to share the low points of my 26 years on this planet. But, if I can help other women see that I’ve been there and have overcome these obstacles and now lead an amazing, healthy, happy life, it’s worth it. This isn’t a weight-loss story or a tale of how I overcame substance abuse. It’s my story of how I took control of my health and happiness naturally. I’m going to spread this out over two posts because I have so much to share and don’t want to overwhelm you.
I loved arts and crafts projects
I got started baking at a young age
Childhood
I was always a very creative and outgoing child. I loved to be in front of the camera, had a lot of friends and was always busy with my arts and craft projects. My life was idealistic and I was lucky to have such a great family and support system. Something changed when I was in the 5th grade; my best friend had recently moved to a new school and the friends that I had school started to distance themselves from me and made fun of me. I didn’t understand why they suddenly didn’t like me and I started to feel alienated at school.
The following year, my family moved to a new town and I attended a new middle school. I felt like I was being “passed” around the playground by different cliques of students and didn’t really connect with any of my new classmates. I focused on my studies and was always in the accelerated learning classes. My 7th grade year, I was in a math class with all 8th-graders, the class above mine. I started to make a few new friends and felt like I connected with them a little better than with my fellow classmates. In my final year of middle school, the class above mine was already at the high school and I remember making a few new friends within my class, but never feeling like I really “fit in” with everyone.
Our first formal dance together. We were dressed as the couple from the movie, “Pearl Harbor”
High School
Cross country and track became my main focus outside of my classes at the high school. I loved running and dedicated myself to being disciplined when it came to training for races. I made friends right away with two girls on the cross country team, twin sisters. They were in the class above mine and we have been close friends ever since. I was even a bridesmaid in Laura’s wedding this past summer. Back to high school! The first three years went pretty smoothly. I excelled in school and always received “A’s” in my classes. My perfectionism was in full swing all throughout high school. I thought I had to be “perfect” at everything or people would not approve of me. I would get so stressed if I got a poor grade on an assignment, if I didn’t meet my goal time in a race or if my hair didn’t look good that day. I honestly thought that if I could be just like Martha Stewart, my life would be perfect! I now see the irony in this thought.
I had my two friends, Lindsey & Laura, and we did everything together. I still didn’t feel that close or comfortable with most of the other students, but it didn’t really bother me too much.
Sophomore year of high school, I had the BIGGEST crush on Blake, but never got up the nerve to talk to him. He now says that he had no idea I even liked him. Junior year, we somehow got hooked up to go to a formal dance together and I knew that this was my chance to test the waters to see if he liked me. We started hanging out and within a month or two, we were dating. Sometimes, I wish we started dating when we were older because he remembers all these embarrassing things that I said and did back in high school!
Fast forward to Senior year. I turned into a little stress ball! Lindsey and Laura moved to California for college, Blake moved two hours away to live with him mom and I felt like no one liked me. I now see this feeling as a theme that started back in 5th grade and continued up until a few years ago, but I’m over that now. All of a sudden I felt depressed. I started crying all. the. time. I felt sick to my stomach for weeks at a time. I had anxiety about how well I would do in my races, if I would get good enough grades to be awarded college scholarships and if Blake was dating other girls at his new school. I missed Blake, Lindsey and Laura so much and I honestly felt like no one else liked me.
I ended up not doing track my senior year because I felt so miserable and didn’t want to added pressure of competing in track meets. I graduated as one of our classes valedictorians and remember feeling embarrassed to speak in front of all my classmates. However, I was so thankful to be headed off to college and leaving my small, hometown behind.
My “Core” friends: Courtney & McKenzie
College
I told myself before I took off for college that I was going to a) make lots of new friends and b) be more easy going than I had been throughout high school. It’s amazing what what you can achieve when you make yourself believe things because I made some amazing friends my first day there and felt a little more relaxed about things than I had in high school.
My new friends, challenging classes and fun social life made college a lot more enjoyable than high school. Though, one thing was missing from new life: Blake. Seriously! I think I had to tell every guy that I dated in college about him and I ended up visiting him a few times throughout college. Finally, right before my senior year of college, we got back together and I traveled to Maui any chance I got to visit him. This is also when my anxiety hit an all-time high. I was so convinced that I had to look like a super-model for Blake to want to keep me as his girl friend. (Long story, but I got over it.) I also started to stay in a lot more instead of going out to parties with my friends. I felt like I didn’t “deserve” to go out and have fun because I didn’t look good enough or feel good enough about myself. (Again, I got over this.) The year drug on as I cried and cried, resorted to anti-anxiety pills and started to see a student counselor to help me work through some of my issues. I’m also lucky because Blake was so supportive of my craziness throughout the whole year.
On one of my many hikes on Maui
Layla got all wet from going in the water during this hike.
Post-College
I made it through my senior year of college (I’m seeing a theme with these rough senior years in school) and moved to Maui as soon as I graduated. I thought that my life would be perfect now that I was living with Blake in a tropical paradise. I got a rude awakening! Yes, I was so happy to be with Blake and the sun and beaches were amazing, but I started to experience some major issues within my life:
PMDD
I finally started putting 2 & 2 together. I was an emotional wreck the week before my period. I would spend my days off in bed crying all day. This leads to a very puffy face and unproductive day! I felt like I didn’t deserve to go to the beach or go shopping in the cute shops. I don’t know where those feelings were coming from. My mind would race about all the things that were “wrong” with me. Some mornings, I felt so bad about myself that Blake would sit down and try to “coach” me through these feelings. Let’s just say that the week before my period was especially dreaded each month.
Poor Body Image
I’m like every other girl out there. We look at the celebrities and models in the magazines and wish that our body looked more like theirs. I was working out less and less and my stomach was becoming more and more bloated from the foods that I was eating. I was so embarrassed of how I looked and didn’t want to be seen in my day to day attire let alone a swimsuit. I’d sometimes cry before we went kite boarding and make Blake promise that I looked good enough to go to the beach with him.
Bingeing and Purging
I had bouts of time where I would feel so overwhelmed with my negative emotions and feelings that I would crave the comfort of sugary foods. I remember eating a bowl of ice cream or a plate of cookies and then feeling so bad about myself that I would make myself throw up. I later learned that I was lacking healthy coping skills and this practice was my way of trying to make myself feel better. Luckily, my experience with bingeing and purging was off-and-on and there were oftentimes months between my episodes. I have felt so embarrassed by this piece of my past, that I almost chose not to share it. However, I know that there are other women out there who are going through the same struggles that I have gone through and I want to help them see that they can overcome anything!
Low Self Confidence
There were times when I lived on Maui that felt like I was just following in the shadows of Blake. He had a successful helicopter tour company, he was a pilot, he knew a lot of people around the island, he was my boss at work and he had a whole life set up for himself before I moved there. I gave up on my passions in life and this lead to me forgetting my strengths and what I’m good at. I lost a piece of myself by choosing not to follow my own dreams, stay creative and pursue my own passions. I started to feel worse and worse about myself.
Negative Mindset & Complaining
This lack of confidence, poor body image and overall negativity on my part manifested itself into me becoming a huge complainer. I was always able to stay positive and kind at work and in public, but behind closed doors, I was a complaining machine. I complained to Blake about everything. “All we do is stuff for you and your business. I look fat. I don’t want to go here or there. I just want you to come home and spend time with me.” This behavior went on for a good year or two, I’m very embarrassed to report. Looking back, I now understand that it was all because I wasn’t happy with myself and my choices and I was taking it out on poor Blake.
Gluten-Intolerance
I had always had an upset stomach. Like literally, every single day my stomach would hurt. I also had a bloated stomach that got progressively larger as the day went on. I had really bad, embarrassing gas. My anxiety was starting to flare up. I had this weird mental fog (that I didn’t even realize until I cut the gluten out and my mind became so much clearer.) I was crying all the time. My facial acne was getting worse each month. Let’s just say that I was not cute or fun to be around. I was eating what I thought were healthy foods: whole grain cereals, turkey sandwiches on whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta dinners. I had heard about gluten-intolerance from a friend and even tried a gluten-free diet back in college. What I didn’t know at that time, was that gluten is a tricky little bugger that is in tons of unsuspecting foods. My health and well-being was getting progressively worse as I continued to consume gluten in my diet.
Lack of Life Passion
I have always known that I was meant to accomplish great feats. I’m a hard worker and will bust my butt to get the job done. What was going on back then was that I wasn’t pursuing any of my passions. I wasn’t making homemade cards or creating new workouts. I didn’t know that I could inspire and help other women to feel their best and live their healthy, happy life. I was literally just plugging along, working for Blake’s company and not making an effort to do the things that bring me joy.
Are you depressed yet? Seriously, reading the struggles that I’ve gone through and remembering how I felt during those times is painful. I promise that I have a happy ending to my story. It’s coming up in tomorrow’s post. As embarrassing as it is for me to share my weakest moments, I know that I am able to help other women overcome these painful issues and live a life full of health, self-confidence, positivity and happiness.
I’ll be back tomorrow with all the information about how I overcame each and every one of these issues. Do you ever feel better when you tell others about your past or what you’ve overcome? I’m hoping I feel better once I hit “Publish!”
Don’t forget to comment on *this* post if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook to be entered in the giveaway!