I had an entirely different post planned for today, but after putting Keenan down for his nap and having some quiet time to myself, I started thinking about life, when Keenan was first born and how different things are going to be in a mere few weeks. With preparing for baby#2, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, especially as I’m going through all of Keenan’s old things and getting the room ready. It seems like yesterday when Keenan was born, and I can’t believe he is almost three and a half with a sister or a brother on the way. It’s crazy how fast time flies and how much faster our little ones grow up!
Being silly wearing my new shower cap!
Although I remember what life was like before we had Keenan, I can’t imagine my life without him. Those five years of marriage before my husband and I decided to start a family seem like a blur since our life is so much richer now that we have Keenan. Prior to him being born, my husband and I did a lot of traveling, and I loved my career (which I anticipated keeping after we decided to start a family). Life with a dual income was nice and we certainly enjoyed a few luxuries that we weren’t ready to part with.
After Keenan was born, everything changed. I fell head over heels in love with my new little guy and I couldn’t imagine leaving him with anyone. I embraced my new role as a mom and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else at that moment in my life. Unfortunately, I had to go back to work when Keenan was five months old. After working for six months, I couldn’t take it anymore. My company was going through some major changes and combined with my longing to spend my days with Keenan, I decided to resign. To this day, it has been the best decision I have ever made.
Don’t get me wrong, being with Keenan isn’t always rosy colored and sweet. There are many days where I long for a break, such as when dealing with tantrums, not wanting to listen or refusing to sleep. But, would I change it? Never. We have so many wonderful days of playing outside, building lego houses, putting puzzles together, taking bike rides, singing, dancing, laughing, telling jokes and most importantly, seeing the world through Keenan’s eyes.
Sometimes I catch my mind wondering…thinking about everything that needs to get done around the house, working on my coaching business or even thinking about my previous career, but it’s the little moments that bring me back to reality and make me realize how blessed I truly am. Take this morning for example…as I was walking Lulu while Keenan rode his bike, I was becoming frustrated because Keenan kept stopping to look at everything around him. We would ride (very slow at that) for only a very short distance before stopping again and sometimes getting off his bike. Being that lunch and nap time were near, I wanted to get home soon. But, as I thought about it, I realized that I was being unreasonable and putting my agenda first. I wasn’t being present in the moment and cherishing the time with Keenan. He is a very curious child and he was just observing and taking everything in. After that moment, I immediately stopped feeling irritated and started enjoying the time with Keenan, especially since these are some of the last one-on-one moments I will have with Keenan.
In a month (or less), life as I know it will change and I will be adjusting to a new routine with two kids. I’m excited, anxious, nervous and sad all at the same time. I love having my one-on-one time with Keenan and I worry that I won’t have those moments once the new baby is here. I also worry that I won’t have the one-on-one time with baby #2 as I had with Keenan for the past three and a half years. I know I will make things work, we will all adjust and Keenan will be a wonderful big brother, but I can’t help thinking about how much different our little life will be. Life changed as I knew it (in a good way) when Keenan was born and I know it will only change for the better once our new addition arrives.
When I look at my life in the present moment, I can truly say that I’m right where I am supposed to be. I have no regrets and I love the time I get to spend with Keenan and soon with our new little one. Do I feel like I have sacrificed myself or identity after I started a family? Absolutely not. I feel like I’ve gained so much more in life after having kids. I still invest in myself, taking time for “me” and keeping my passion alive for health and wellness through this blog and starting my own business. I love where I’m at, even though things have certainly changed financially (with pretty much one income) and we can no longer do some of the things we used to do prior to having kids. Life is actually simpler and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Do you believe you are right where you are supposed to be in life?