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It's Cold Outside And I Don't Have A Thing To Wear

Posted Dec 21 2009 5:35am

I’ve never been able to look put together in the winter time.

I just don’t seem to ever have the right coat, boots, scarf, matching gloves or a hat that doesn’t look positively dweeby.

I recently bought a tailored red wool coat. It’s lovely. It attracts the multi-color hair of my dog like a magnet. Never thought about that when making my purchase decision. Its 80% wool makes me itch positively everywhere. That coat just isn’t going to work. It has to go back.

I also bought a zippy quilted black hooded jacket with nifty twisty clasps that I seemingly can’t get to twist. It too attracts hair of the dog faster than the speed of sound.

That coat also has to go back.

In the meantime I went into the bowels of my closet and found a circa 90’s coat – it’s actually a lovely micro-fiber, with a plush pile inside. It zips from the bottom to the top and has no give when you sit in the car. Can you say R-I-P every time you sit down? This zipper will not last much longer. Since the two coats have to go back I am wearing this ridiculous thing in the meantime. What choice do I have?

The thing with this coat is I have to shimmy it up over my hips in order to sit down in the car -- to prevent further zipper ripping. When I am driving I have this spare tire of coat sitting around my waist – It feels positively ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is to see me get out of the car and wiggle accordingly to get the integrity back to my winter fashion nightmare.

Boots. I don’t get how one can wear high fashion boots with chunky 2 –3 inch look good heels, wedges or even date night spikes AND keep your feet warm, let alone navigate the sidewalks many of which are not shoveled, and walk with any grace or style.

Me? I wear clogs.  See?  It says it over there in my sidebar. I am totally afraid that I am going to fall.  I must really be 80. I like the idea of warmth and traction in a boot.   Practical boots don't  "look" very good.

Most hats destroy my "do". If the hat makes any fashion statement at all it usually doesn’t cover my ears. Earmuffs might seem like a good idea, but those make most of us looking like a puppy dog. Scarf wrapping is another approach, but then we get the static electricity thing going.

( sigh )

It’s 11 degrees out and I don’t have a thing to wear.

typical victorian wintergarb flickr image credit

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