As a result, the scale kept rewarding me with smaller numbers week by week. My clothes were getting looser. And my confidence was soaring.
By the time I stepped off the plane in El Salvador to visit my then-boyfriend (now husband) in December, I was one hot mamita and man, I felt it!
But four years into this new body, the shiny-new-body-luster isn’t there anymore. I’m just “me.”
Not the girl who was shrinking before everyone’s eyes. Not the girl who could finally slip on designer jeans and not hate the reflection in the mirror. Not the girl who could suddenly spend 90 min. at the gym without croaking… Now, I can still do all those things…but I’m not shrinking anymore.
The thing is, I’m just “me” now.
I’ve put on a couple from my lowest, and I guess you could say I’ve taken a more “interested” approach.
Clearly, it’s not working; I still eat cleanly and exercise regularly, but the scale isn’t going down these days and my (much smaller sized) clothes aren’t loose. They fit just ok.
In order to knock off these nagging pounds, I must be committed to losing weight, to feel that “new love” feeling I felt when it was all so fresh and new.
To further explain the difference between “interested vs committed,” thanks to Molly from the Core board, here is an excerpt from Linda Spangle’s book 100 Days to Weight Loss .
People who are interested in losing weight:
1. Stick with it until something better comes along.
2. Take action only if they “feel like” doing it.
3. Need to see results in order to stay motivated.
4. Blame people or circumstances for their struggles.
5. Easily give up when they face challenges.
People who are committed to losing weight:
1. Stick with their plans no matter what.
2. Take action whether they feel like doing it or not.
3. Assume that if they stay motivated results will follow.
4. Take responsibility for their own actions.
5. Keep going in spite of challenges and setbacks.
I can easily translate this “interested vs. committed” notion to overcoming disordered eating behaviors.
We all can.
The question becomes, how bad do we want it?
Right now, I am committed to two things. One is a tangible goal, and the other is more vague.
First, and most importantly, I’d like to make more progress re: disordered eating. I feel like I’m taking baby steps forward, which is a good thing, but I also have blips on the radar , which is part of the recovery process. (I realize this is a very vague goal: when is someone ever truly healed? I’m not quite sure).
And second, I’d like to be back at my goal weight (not unrealistic at all) by October 2, my 29th birthday. Not because I am being obsessed with my weight (trust me that is not my intent), but because I know where I feel my best, and it’s not right where I am today. (Fortunately, it’s not a long way away, either!)
I did it last time with an all-or-nothing approach … but this time, I intend to do it with a more balanced, harmonic “gray” approach.
For both to happen, I need to be 110% committed, especially since these two goals go hand-in-hand.
I believe that as I overcome the disordered eating issues, the anxiety issues, and truly learn to love myself and treat myself kindly … the scale (or tape measure) will help validate those efforts.
Until then, all I can do is try, and be faithful, two things I’m proud to say I do really well.
How about you? What are you committed to at the moment?