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Here Comes Suzy Snowflake Look at Her Plot and Scheme

Posted Dec 09 2010 3:30pm

I love that Phyllis Diller quote:

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Messy Playroom

I feel like this quote gives me permission to not clean up because, meh – why bother?  The toys just keep raining down anyway! Might as well just shuffle through the piles until the mom toy plow comes through to box it all up to donate, right? Right.

So thanks for that one Phyllis – mega time saver and guilt reliever to boot.

This snow-toy analogy has come to mind more than once these past few days because it has NOT! STOPPED! SNOWING! Yet I’m out there anyway, shoveling the walk and driveway – flakes falling from the sky just to spite me, continuing to collect on the ground, pretending they don’t see me as I heap their fraternal twin sisters off the pavement into piles with all the rest.


It hasn’t snowed today though of course – the day I sit down to share the shocking news about continual snowfall here in upstate New York in December.  Those snow clouds knew I was going to write about the fact that it hasn’t stopped snowing in days and decided to try and make a fool out of me.

Well you know what snow?  Screw you! I can make a fool out of myself without any help from you or anyone else!

Actually, I hate it when people complain about the weather.  I hate it even more when people personify the weather.  This is where I shut up about the snow before this is mistaken as a complaint or before you catch on to the fact that I have been speaking about the snow like it was a real, live, mean-spirited person.

(But it is.)

No, I’m not complaining about the weather!  And yes, I know the snow is an inanimate object (that moves) with no real feelings or thoughts and does not spend all of its spare time plotting against me.

(Except that it does.)

This nonsense snowballs nicely into The Primal Blueprint a la Mark Sisson of Mark’s Daily Apple and my book de jour that I’m currently devouring:

Primal Blueprint

Mark’s stance on exercise and the fact that we don’t need to be cardio maniacs in order to be fit and healthy or even lose weight for that matter is pretty timely.  With all the snow removal I’ve been up to I haven’t felt the least bit guilty counting “an hour of snow shoveling/fist shaking at the sky” as my daily activity/workout for the past couple of days here.  Walking, lifting, pushing, shoving – how very caveman-ish of me!

Another step toward caveman-dom (new word!) would be that I’ve decided to catch myself a new kind of fish.  “Catch” from a can mind you, but I could still catch it if you would just pick up that can there and throw it at me.


Yes!  Sardines!  Listed in the Primal Blueprint as one of the healthiest sources of fish … what the hell, I’ll try anything once.

But wait.  Sardines?  Really?  Even when I was a mindless meat eater, fish was never my forte.  You need to understand that I’m trying really hard not to grimace and retch and convulse on the floor here people now that the can is actually in my possession.  I’m scared.  Hold me.

Nope, not gonna chicken (of the sea) out on this – time to put my big girl panties on and belly up to this small can o’ fish.

Sardines, Not Tightly Packed

You know I have to say I’m a bit disappointed at how loosely packed in these guys were given that famous sardine cliche (the same cliche I strongly resisted for the title of the post by the way – you’re welcome).

So this is how a sardine sandwich landed on the (adult) lunch menu here today.

My premier attempt:

Sardine Salad

  • 1 can of sardines *twitch* packed in oil, chopped
  • 1/2 an avocado *swoon* cubed
  • 1/2 a red pepper *kissy noises* diced
  • a dollop of 2% Chobani greek yogurt *mayo or veganaise would work too* to bind it all together
  • a dash of pepper *sneeze* and salt

(Made two servings.)

The Primal Blueprint gives grains – sprouted or otherwise – a big thumbs DOWN. It seems that any book you read about health and nutrition has its “thing” that is pure dietary evil and is going to make your internal organs self destruct.  Thus, much like any advice, I’m taking this aspect of the Primal Blueprint with a grain of… wheat.  I mean hellllooo – I’m eating sardines here Mark! This is monumental!  I need something old and familiar to help choke down this chum!

Sardine Salad Sandwich

Sardine salad – mashed between two pieces of toasted Sesame Ezekiel with mustard and spinach, plus a side of steamed broccoli.

Post sardine lunch consensus?

Survey says: Not Too Shabby!  No twitching or retching or convulsing to speak of!  I think we call that lunch time success, don’t we now Phyllis?  I think we do.

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