Reading the newest issue of SELF at the gym this morning (with JLo on the cover looking smoking hot!), I came across an article where a woman’s father had given her the advice to basically stop seeking “balance” but rather look for harmony in life.
Harmony, what a concept. Not something I’d ever given much thought to, but something certainly worth pondering.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized her dad was right; we may never have true balance in our lives.
Our days will always be jam-packed with responsiblities, obligations and desires. It’s life. There will always be a kitchen floor to be mopped, a promotion to be sought after, pounds to lose, a new restaurant to try, a wedding to attend, family to tend to and a load of laundry to fold and iron … but in spite of it all, we can find peaceâ€“harmonyâ€“within the life we are living.
With the right attitude.
Applying this to my disordered eating situation, I can see that I have a more calmer attitude already towards the gym; I don’t beat myself up for it if I don’t work out every single day and I’m trying to learn to relish days off. Sometimes even succeeding!
I find myself still sometimes buying food I know I will chew-and-spit, but it’s not done in the urgent, agonizing manner it used to be. Rather it’s done with a calm sensation washing over me that I know full well what I am doing and that it’s a coping mechanism for anxiety.
I know that if I do it, when it’s over, I won’t hate myselfâ€“but I’m also not helping myself, either. That realization alone gives me peace.
And I have found some form of peace with my body. The past two weeks the scale has been in a (higher-than-usual) four pound range depending on the day.
Today, I saw a number I haven’t seen in like three months, which is of course alarming, especially since these are the two weeks I didn’t eat my Activity Points (something I’ve always done) in the hopes that I could spur a loss.
But I also know it could be anything: stress, didn’t drink enough water yesterday, whatever. The truth is, my clothes still fit great and today I feel (dare I say it) “thin” in a wrap dress and heels.
I say that’s peace right there, realizing I feel good in spite of the number.
Just some food for thought on this dreary Tuesday.