September 7th, 2011
It has been over two weeks since mom passed – two depressing weeks. I feel like I’ve lost my will to do…well, anything really. Even the most menial tasks feel like an unbearable burden. Today, I forced myself to exercise. I did a 45 minute DVD workout of plyo jumps. It was so hard I wanted to cry, or quit, or both. I had to put all that aside and just DO the workout. At the end, I didn’t feel much better. Accomplished, but not better. Doing the workout forced me to turn my emotions on and face all the pain and anger and sorrow I’ve had for the past while. It was an ugly experience.
September 9th, 2011
For the second day, I sucked it up and forced myself to work out. People ask me if I’m doing okay, and I tell them yes, but honestly I don’t know, because I don’t know what “okay” is, in this situation.
Anyway…
My wife and I did a back and core workout. The 40 minutes felt like an eternity, but we got through it. My legs are sore from the other day’s workout, reminding me that I’ve been neglecting myself. Oh, well. I know I’ve been eating a lot more, drinking beer more often, and I’ve generally been sedentary, but I can’t seem to let up.
Work is work, serving to occupy my thoughts and give me a rest from all this “dealing with it”. Yesterday was especially busy, and I haven’t been sleeping enough.
Today, I washed the dishes. It felt like I was climbing Mount Everest.
September 10th, 2011
I decided today that, for mom’s honor, I would pull myself together. The last time me and mom hung out, we talked about the Tough Mudder race Michelle and I had registered for. I know that mom wouldn’t want Michelle and I to drop out over what’s happened. The race is in 6 weeks, and we’ve got a lot of work to do.
I took Michelle out on the track this morning, where we ran two and a half miles. Every mile, we stopped to do pushups. I told Michelle that finishing the race has now become very personal to me, and that there’s no way I can do it without her, which is true. She stuck with me, even though she hates running, and for the first time in weeks, I felt alive, again. My body is aching from head to toe.
We spent the entire rest of the day at Culturefest in Pipestem, staying out until we were completely exhausted. This has been the best day in weeks.
September 11th, 2011
On 9-11-01 I got up and went to class as usual, only when I entered the class everyone looked really depressed. I asked why, and that’s when I found out about the terrorist attacks. After class, I went back to my room, turned on the television…
and called my mom.
September 13th
We went to the track again. This time we ran 5 kilometers with intermittent exercises in between. After one half mile we did pushups, and after another we bear crawled for 50 yards, etc. At one point, we held a squat position until I was finished singing the national anthem. I sang at a slow tempo. Michelle was really tough, today. It made me feel like there’s hope for us to be ready, come race day.
Amazingly, I actually wanted to go out and run today. It didn’t feel forced, which was nice.
September 14th
Life hurts. Michelle and I wallowed around and pitied ourselves for weeks. There comes a time when you have to say “enough”.
September 15th
Ever since Michelle and I started running again, I’ve had less and less of a need to eat junk food and spend money.
Today, we ran 2 straight miles with no intermittent exercising. Michelle did an awesome job, and I felt amazing afterwards. I believe I’ve found the cure for my depression – running. The mudder is on October 23rd, at Wintergreen Resort in Wintergreen Virginia. I will be there.
I am going to destroy this challenge, for mom.
September 7th, 2011
It has been over two weeks since mom passed – two depressing weeks. I feel like I’ve lost my will to do…well, anything really. Even the most menial tasks feel like an unbearable burden. Today, I forced myself to exercise. I did a 45 minute DVD workout of plyo jumps. It was so hard I wanted to cry, or quit, or both. I had to put all that aside and just DO the workout. At the end, I didn’t feel much better. Accomplished, but not better. Doing the workout forced me to turn my emotions on and face all the pain and anger and sorrow I’ve had for the past while. It was an ugly experience.
September 9th, 2011
For the second day, I sucked it up and forced myself to work out. People ask me if I’m doing okay, and I tell them yes, but honestly I don’t know, because I don’t know what “okay” is, in this situation.
Anyway…
My wife and I did a back and core workout. The 40 minutes felt like an eternity, but we got through it. My legs are sore from the other day’s workout, reminding me that I’ve been neglecting myself. Oh, well. I know I’ve been eating a lot more, drinking beer more often, and I’ve generally been sedentary, but I can’t seem to let up.
Work is work, serving to occupy my thoughts and give me a rest from all this “dealing with it”. Yesterday was especially busy, and I haven’t been sleeping enough.
Today, I washed the dishes. It felt like I was climbing Mount Everest.
September 10th, 2011
I decided today that, for mom’s honor, I would pull myself together. The last time me and mom hung out, we talked about the Tough Mudder race Michelle and I had registered for. I know that mom wouldn’t want Michelle and I to drop out over what’s happened. The race is in 6 weeks, and we’ve got a lot of work to do.
I took Michelle out on the track this morning, where we ran two and a half miles. Every mile, we stopped to do pushups. I told Michelle that finishing the race has now become very personal to me, and that there’s no way I can do it without her, which is true. She stuck with me, even though she hates running, and for the first time in weeks, I felt alive, again. My body is aching from head to toe.
We spent the entire rest of the day at Culturefest in Pipestem, staying out until we were completely exhausted. This has been the best day in weeks.
September 11th, 2011
On 9-11-01 I got up and went to class as usual, only when I entered the class everyone looked really depressed. I asked why, and that’s when I found out about the terrorist attacks. After class, I went back to my room, turned on the television…
and called my mom.
September 13th
We went to the track again. This time we ran 5 kilometers with intermittent exercises in between. After one half mile we did pushups, and after another we bear crawled for 50 yards, etc. At one point, we held a squat position until I was finished singing the national anthem. I sang at a slow tempo. Michelle was really tough, today. It made me feel like there’s hope for us to be ready, come race day.
Amazingly, I actually wanted to go out and run today. It didn’t feel forced, which was nice.
September 14th
Life hurts. Michelle and I wallowed around and pitied ourselves for weeks. There comes a time when you have to say “enough”.
September 15th
Ever since Michelle and I started running again, I’ve had less and less of a need to eat junk food and spend money.
Today, we ran 2 straight miles with no intermittent exercising. Michelle did an awesome job, and I felt amazing afterwards. I believe I’ve found the cure for my depression – running. The mudder is on October 23rd, at Wintergreen Resort in Wintergreen Virginia. I will be there.
I am going to destroy this challenge, for mom.