After watching High Fidelity for about the 10th time last night I am more sure than ever that it is the film that most represents me. An obsessive love for music, painful break-ups, friends who know that what you like is more important than what you are like...I won't mention the other obvious connections.
I've had less than 5 hours of sleep for a few nights in a row now. I cannot get myself to feel tired no matter how much time I spend in the sun, workout, or drink. My bed, the most comfortable bed I have ever owned feels spikey and I can't relax. I toss and turn and have dreams so vivid I'm not always sure they are only dreams. Sleep deprivation often results in pounding headaches, the inability to deal with things rationally, an overly emotional state. I'm on my way downhill so why not just go with it. Who knows what the hell will happen or where I will even be in the next month. Some days I am sure that I won't leave the house for a week, other times I'm ready to pack it up and drive to the other side of the island leaving my phone and computer behind, other times I hope that a huge wave will take me out quickly or the Honolulu traffic will claim one more victim in me.
I saw a quote once that said "die at the right time," but when will that time be?