I attended a Weight Watchers training recently where we were asked to describe ourselves “before” Weight Watchers and “after” once the whole weight loss thing finally fell into place. During the exercise the one word that popped into my head to describe me before was “denial.”
I hadn’t really thought about it again until this morning when I was flooded with words and feelings that described me “before” and “now.” I rushed to grab a notebook and jot them down, since I’ve learned from previous experience that these early morning thoughts, which hover on the cusp between my conscious and unconscious minds, are fleeting.
Here’s what I came up with…
Before losing weight and learning to keep it off I would describe myself as:
Out of control
Suffering from nutrition information overload
Controlled by food
After finally getting it (which didn’t happen the first time I made lifetime, later) I would use these words to describe myself today:
Trusting (of myself and others)
It’s just food
It’s amazing how differently I see myself and the world now. I don’t know the exact moment it happened. Suddenly one day I realized everything was different, as though a switch in my brain had been flipped from off to on and I was no longer fumbling around in the dark.
There’s a peace around food, eating, and my sense of self as it relates to food and my body that I could have never predicted. I didn’t come without years of work. But it was so worth it. For years my affirmation was, “I’m easily and effortlessly maintaining my ideal weight.” I wrote it on index cards and in my journal and repeated it countless times a day.
I still think it to myself during my morning walk, and now, finally, it’s true.
And for this and so much more I am very very grateful.