My dear friend* Maria started a weekly ‘series’ of sorts she calls Confessions. Although claiming it started simply so she could share honeymoon photos, I love the stream-of-consciousness, ‘my life lately (and before)’ style of the post. Of course, I promptly decided to steal the idea.
*We have moved well beyond ‘friends through blogging’ territory
Less a Catholic sinner’s rant and more a kindergarten show-and-tell, here are my current confessions.
1. I bought a toaster oven recently, on the pretense that my former roommate had moved out, and I should probably have a way to make toast. As I rarely make toast, this was a big fat lie. The real reason I bought the toaster oven was because I’d received samples of Food for Life’s new Ezekiel Sprouted Grain Flax bread.
It had to be stored in the freezer. Without a toaster, how would I eat it? 2. I was about to Instragram a photo of my morning coffee and Downton Abbey catch-up, when I realized the goofy owl mug detracted from the high class aura of the show. I literally went into the kitchen, dumped my coffee into a different mug, and retook the photo. 3. I’m not always so secure in my singlehood as I let on. Sometimes it’s downright lonely. I really want to throw my hands up with Beyonce, but what everyone failed to point out is that she had Jay-Z waiting just behind the camera to put a ring on it.
4. Speaking of Beyonce, I have no desire to watch the Super Bowl, except to see if the rumors of a Destiny’s Child reunion are true. 5. I roast vegetables just so I can eat them cold. [And sometimes I think I bake sweet potatoes, just so I can eat the skin.] 6. This is my oatmeal spoon. It is a baby spoon, and I eat my oatmeal with it every morning. This past week, I thought I had lost it, or accidentally thrown it away or something, and was secretly distressed. When I discovered that my roommate had confused it for a tea spoon, I was more excited than any normal person should be. 7. Yesterday I was at the self-checkout at Kroger, and there was a man with a giant cart who had first tried to butt in front of another customer, then tried to push his way onto a machine while a woman was showing her ID to the attendant, and then sadly (for him) stood perhaps 12 inches away from me in a clear violation of my personal space.
The only solution was to slowly examine every one of the objects I was purchasing, make purposeful mistakes in punching produce codes on the monitor, and stop and take a photograph mid-check-out. He finally got frustrated and moved to a different register. [When the woman with the crying baby showed up, however, I scurried along.]
I’m not sorry at all.