Hey guys! Thank you for all your well-wishes after yesterday’s post about being sick . It definitely wasn’t any fun, but I am feeling much better now, thank God.
For today’s post, I wanted to talk to you guys about something that’s been on my mind lately. Ever since I booked my trip to Punta Cana , I feel like I have been looking at my body more critically. I know this is something that we all struggle with, which is why I wanted to bring it up today. I’m hoping that you guys can relate to what I’m going through, and maybe offer me some advice or words of wisdom.
When I think about my body, I am usually pretty ok with it. I eat healthy (most of the time), I exercise a lot, and I know I am doing what I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I understand what is good for my body and what will harm it, and I do the best I can without sacrificing the things I love. I am happy with my choices, and I really enjoy my life. To me being healthy is way more important than just being skinny. Usually.
The problem arises when I know I have to go somewhere in public and show people my body. In this particular scenario, it’s because of my trip to Punta Cana, although I have dealt with this feeling before .
To start with, I know that compared to a lot of people, I look completely fine in a bathing suit. I know that no one really cares what I look like anyway, and even if they did care, they probably wouldn’t think anything bad about me. Sure, I’m not the skinniest person I know by any means, but I’m definitely not the fattest either.
So why do I care about what people think so much? Why do I care how I will look in my bikini? Why do I get so frustrated when I look at the scale and I don’t see the numbers move, even after cutting out sweets and exercising six times a week? Why do I care that my thighs are a little fleshy or that my love handles will never completely go away?
I have a great guy who loves me. I have friends who would be there for me even if I weighed 500 pounds. I have a supportive and loving family. So why do I care about what strangers think, especially when they are probably too busy thinking about their own bodies to even notice mine anyway?
Every morning lately, I’ve been trying on my bathing suits in front of the mirror before I get in the shower. I’ve been examining my body from every angle just to see how I’ll look in a few weeks when I hit the beach. Some morning’s I’m happy with how I look (“Ok, that’s not so bad”) and other times it puts me in the worst mood (“Why does my stomach stick out like that?!”).
Yesterday I noticed that it’s getting to the point where I’ll feel guilty if I snack a little too much (“Can’t have those almonds after work!”) or dread something that would normally make me happy (“Free pizza for lunch with my coworkers? I’d rather sit alone at my desk with a salad”).
When the issue of my body image starts affecting my happiness in other areas of my life, I know I have some issues to work on.
That is why I pose these questions to you today. I realize that I am struggling to feel confident in my own skin, and I realize that at this point I really need to turn my attitude around. I know that how I look is no big deal, so why can’t I make my brain accept that?
That’s why I’m reaching out to you, dear invisible internet friends, to provide me with some guidance. Please tell me you’ve been where I’ve been, and that you got over it.
[Also just so you know, I still ate the almonds, and I still ate the pizza (lol are you surprised?). I am not developing an eating disorder; I love food way too much to ever give it up. It's my mind that needs help.]