I worked at an abortion clinic as an assistant to the procedures. Not my proudest job, but I had no money and it was right after the crash in 2008. If you got a job, you kept it, no matter how much you hated it.
I went into work every day, shutting off my emotional switch. We performed up to 40 procedures a day, and part of my job was to prep the women beforehand and after, in addition to handing the doctor his tools during the procedure.Working there, I saw many women from all walks of life. The majority of them did not want to be there, whether they showed it or not. If a woman broke down into tears or seemed visibly upset with her decision, we refused the procedure. We also did not perform the procedure on women whose parents or significant others brought there by force. All of these guidelines were great, but even with them in place, not many women wanted to be there. Knowing this helped me understand that there are very few who just view it as birth control. Of course, I had women who cheerfully told me it was their fourth or fifth procedure. Those always made me feel sick.I appreciate your insight on the subject. My whole point of this comment is to tell you that you are definitely not alone. As a woman who guided a minimum of 150 patients a week through a harrowing experience, I can assure you that your guilt is shared by more women than anyone would like to admit - whether they stand by their decision or regret it. And that, I think, connects us more than we will ever know.