Working in the hospital never ceases to astound me. Most of the time patients arrest my thoughts with their inspiring hope and determination, but others are simply puzzling, at best. In nearly every room of the hospital people are fighting for their lives, but on occasion the ER will host someone with apparent total disregard for their own well-being. Unfortunately, some of these cases are tragic. Frequently, however, they are tinged with humor and a giant dose of "what the heck were you thinking?"
For instance, I was setting up an EKG on a young man a few weeks ago while the ER charge nurse was interviewing him... (in the interest of not violating any privacy edicts, please note that no names or locations are disclosed here... Yes, I'm a little bit paranoid - I've had to watch too many JACO regulations instruction videos already! :-)
Nurse: "You're having tightness in your chest?"
Nurse: "Was there any event that preceded the onset of the chest tightness?"
Patient: "Yeah, I took 8 rapid release extra strength Tylenol."
Nurse: "Why did you take so much Tylenol?"
Patient: "I had a really bad headache."
Nurse: "When did the headache start?"
Patient: "Last night, after I took some medicinal Ecstasy."
Nurse: "Medicinal Ecstasy?"
[I have to sympathize with her confusion - while I've searched for "medicinal Ecstasy" in my copy of Davis' Pharmaceutical Guide For Nurses, I have yet to unveil anything of the sort. Perhaps it's a new treatment method, to be included along with "medicinal cocaine" in the text's 2009 update?]
Patient: "Yeah, my leg was really hurting, so I thought some Ecstasy would make it feel better. I bet I would have been fine if I just hadn't taken all that Tylenol, don't you think?"
Nurse: [Declines to answer that question] "Why was your leg hurting?"
Patient: "Oh, it's no big deal, I just got stabbed last week."
Nurse: Did you get medical treatment?"
Patient: "Nah, you know how those doctors can put staples in big cuts? Well, I just figured I'd do the same thing, you know, with a stapler I had at home..."
Poor guy. If only he could realize that Tylenol was not his biggest problem...
I suppose my life is rather tame these days, especially in comparison to people who take medicinal Ecstasy... but then again, even though I'm always running in 500 directions, my life would always seem tame by those standards, for which I am thankful.
I go to work. I spend hours studying and scattering pages of notes across the floor of our office. I fold laundry. I love and am loved. I bake muffins. Thank God for my beautiful, peaceful, quiet life.
Fruit and Chocolate Muffins (Vegan ones! :-)
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour 1 1/2 cups white flour 1 cup raw sugar 2/3 cup cocoa powder 2 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 2 cups vanilla soymilk 2 T lemon juice 1 1/2 cup coarsely mashed ripe banana 1/3 cup applesauce 1/3 cup olive oil 2 tsp vanilla
~ Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 24 regular or 12 large muffin cups with paper liners or coat them with cooking spray. ~ Toss together the flours, raw sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. ~ In a separate bowl, whisk together the soymilk, lemon juice, banana, applesauce, olive oil, and vanilla. ~ Fold the banana mixture into the flour mixture, and mix just until combined. ~ Scoop the batter into the muffin cups, filling them nearly all the way up to the top. ~ Bake for 20 minutes - until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Delicious for breakfast, snacks, or even when you're craving a brownie!