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Pregnancy Causes Sex!!!

Posted Sep 21 2010 12:07pm

Yes. Announced recently by Trojan Research are new findings that, in fact, pregnancy causes sex. A sample of 3,000 pregnant women were interviewed and examined recently, and it was found that 97% admitted that, “Yes… by gosh, I have recently had sex!” The researchers have determined that with this new information, they can definitively say that pregnancy does indeed put individuals at more risk of experiencing sexual activity. ….

Sound ridiculous? Well apparently not if you’re a writer for BusinessWeek, the Telegraph (UK), or a commentator for MSNBC:

A new study out of the University of California – San Diego revealed that obese children were far more likely to have been infected with adenovirus 36 (AD36) than fit children. The immediate conclusion was made that the virus must be the obesity. BusinessWeek ran with a big headline, “Childhood Obesity Might Be Linked to Strain of Cold Virus.” Next, the Telegraph in the UK jumped in with: “Childhood cold virus could lead to development of obesity.” Not wanting to be left out, MSNBC rolled out this whopper: “Nothing to sneeze at: Common cold virus may make kids fat.”

I think it’s more likely the sex led to the pregnancy, don’t you? Obesity led to the insufficient immune response that allowed the virus to cause the symptoms of a cold. Think about it… With very few exceptions, obesity is almost entirely determined by food and exercise choices. Obese children are more likely to be living on junk food, which adds to the obesity and poor immune function. They are less likely to participate in outside play resulting in less sun exposure which, in turn, leads to Vitamin D deficiency and a weakened immune system. They are less likely to participate in regular, sustained physical activity which would help decrease their weight and increase the efficiency of their immune defenses. Any way you look at it, the lifestyle choices that have led to obesity are the same choices that have weakened the immune system to the point at which these kids are susceptible to the cold virus.

But, “Why?” you ask… “would the jump be made in the opposite direction?” What do we do when we’ve got a question around here, folks? Say it with me!… FOLLOW THE MONEY!!!!

If the virus causes obesity, we must all need a vaccine, right? If we can all be convinced that a virus causes obesity, they can roll out a new Anti-Obesity Vaccine that is so important for the kids. If you’re against it, you don’t care about the children. If you can’t afford it, the taxpayers should be responsible to make sure the children get what they need. However you look at it, Big Pharma is positioning themselves for an all-out blitz to make sure we all know about this crucial “need.” A guaranteed and mandated revenue stream… kinda sounds like the flu shots and the HPV vaccine, huh?

So now, we have a new excuse to play the victim card. It’s not your responsibility. It’s the virus that made you fat. If only you’ll just trust in Big Pharma, we’ll take good care of you. Research leader Dr Jeffrey Schwimmer said, “It is time that we moved away from assigning blame in favor of developing a level of understanding that will better support efforts at both prevention and treatment.” Translated, this statement from the study author essentially says, “Stop blaming people for their own behavior because food choice and exercise has nothing to do with obesity, and instead we need to be vaccinating children against obesity while calling it ‘treatment.’”

So… the next time your teenager comes home pregnant, make sure you rush to the doctor and get your Anti-Sex Vaccine,  because they are now at great risk of being exposed to sexual activity. If you don’t, you don’t care about your kids!

- Dr. Gray

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