Jan Singer wrote a wonderful blog entry today on her tween son who give her a 'wild ride' as most tweens do. Here is my response:
I've been a psychologist in private practice for over 25 years and a school psychologist. I don't have a tween boy, but soon I'll have a grandson getting near 8-12. But may I comment on Jen's little story about her tween son? It is a wonderful example of how we will think we are 'getting' it about our tween and then suddenly there is a whole twist that we missed. The good news is that Jen and her family handled her son in a positive way. And that is the bottom line emotionally. When I wrote, The Truth, (I'm a girl, I'm smartand I know everything) the girl is 10 also.
And she also is having thoughts, feelings and insights totally unique to her that the family is missing. I made sure that she did as a character because since this is a mother-kid book I wanted there to be a lot of room for discussion and mutual understanding. For example, Jen's post raises questions such as: How do we treat our tweens even if we don't understand them? What do we react to? What do we let go? When do we permit ourselves to have a secret chuckle over what our kid did or said? When do we shed a secret tear and then try to get in there with a different approach? Yes, it is an endless array of moments, insights, realizations and reactions when there is a tween in the house-be it a boy or girl. Hurray for Jen and her son-they are just doing fine and he will probably grow up loving music and who knows, be a great composer! Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive psychologist, www.enchatedself.com