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Tweens will always give us wild rides but as parents we can handle it!

Posted May 22 2009 11:58pm

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/tweens/

Jan Singer wrote a wonderful blog entry today on her tween son who give her a 'wild ride' as most tweens do.  Here is my response:

I've been a psychologist in private practice for over 25 years and a school psychologist.  I don't have a tween boy, but soon I'll have a grandson getting near 8-12.  But may I comment on Jen's little story about her tween son?  It is a wonderful example of how we will think we are 'getting' it about our tween and then suddenly there is a whole twist that we missed.  The good news is that Jen and her family handled her son in a positive way.  And that is the bottom line emotionally.  When I wrote, The Truth, (I'm a girl, I'm smartand I know everything) the girl is 10 also.
And she also is having thoughts, feelings and insights totally unique to her that the family is missing.  I made sure that she did as a character because since this is a mother-kid book I wanted there to be a lot of room for discussion and mutual understanding. For example, Jen's post raises questions such as: How do we treat our tweens even if we don't understand them?  What do we react to?  What do we let go? When do we permit ourselves to have a secret chuckle over what our kid did or said?  When do we shed a secret tear and then try to get in there with a different approach?  Yes, it is an endless array of moments, insights, realizations and reactions when there is a tween in the house-be it a boy or girl.  Hurray for Jen and her son-they are just doing fine and he will probably grow up loving music and who knows, be a great composer!  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive psychologist, www.enchatedself.com  
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