Earlier today someone acknowledged they had started smoking this summer after a 7 year abstinence. And they wanted some suggestions about how they could make a statement about wanting to stop. A few people started to respond to this request and I watched as the conversation seemed to devolve into a… “Man how stupid am I?” “What an idiot”, “Just find the willpower to quit” and other similar statements.
It occurred to me that this was totally missing the point and a great example of how we cover up the real issue by focusing (with great judgment, mind you) on the behavior that results from the real issue. So after a bit I simply couldn’t resist sharing the following:
okay… I’ve just gotta jump in here and want to be totally transparent so I’ll first share that I am a HAPPY smoker by choice. However, please understand I have no interest or attachment around persuading you about ’smoking’ or ‘not smoking’.
The reason I feel inspired to jump in is because I think you’re failing to consider the real answer to your actual question. In other words…
What is it you REALLY want??
Please go beneath the surface issue of the smoking cigarettes. And for heaven’s sake (literally) stop berating yourself and calling yourself unpleasant names. Damning the cigarette or damning yourself simply damns up the energy flow.
What were you feeling when you decided this summer to begin smoking again? What was it you were really reaching for when you reached for that first smoke? I suspect you were aware of some sort of misalignment with your Source… and you grabbed a smoke to soothe yourself back into alignment… or something along those lines. Because you see, what we all really want is to feel good, to feel curious, to feel joyful anticipation, to feel satisfied, to feel abundant, to feel….
Don’t fall into the trap of making up that the smoking, per se, is the issue. Consider the idea that How you feel and how to get back into alignment is the issue. And start exploring that. Start looking more deeply at the question… What do I really want? – and start listening more closely to the answers that surface from within. And follow the inspiration that comes. And you may discover you find an even better way to soothe yourself back into alignment and you can thank yourself and your smoke for softening you up enough to get there!
Here’s what I know for sure…
Everything we choose to do is because at some level, in the moment, we believe it will make us feel better. It seems to me that we could each benefit from easing up on our focus on behaviors and instead start to address what’s really going on within ourselves.
Though we might have our own preferences in terms of what soothes us back into our connection… we miss the point altogether when we get distracted by our dislike for others choices… whether that’s burning a cigarette or burning a candle… let’s celebrate getting re-connected with Source and trust that the ‘tools’ used are always going to shift and change over time. When we can do that we will stop making mountains out of molehills and live happily ever after!