I ran downstairs to shower and get dressed. My 15-year old son just got the okay from a young girl his age that she could go to a 4 o'clock movie. We checked pluggedin.com to check for appropriateness and once this was settled, I had less than an hour to get ready.
I could just taste the movie buttered popcorn and the yummy raisinets. I was trying to decide if I would have a coke or an icee. As you can tell, food is an important part of going to the movies for me.
My son and I headed toward the theater. We made it down one street when he announced to me that he didn't want me to actually go "in" the movie theater with him, because he felt it would be embarrassing. My heart sunk a little, and I felt a pout coming.
I asked about the young girl's mom to see if he knew what she felt about them going alone to the movie. He already knew that her mom was fine with them going together. So bummer, I got bumped out of going to an afternoon movie by some nice young girl that my son is not "dating."
I think I was sadder about missing out on the munchies than not seeing the movie or really having any concern about them needing a chaperon in the middle of the day at the movies. I can't help but think, "Well so much for all the "dating rules" my husband and I made when our children were toddlers."
In homeschooling circles it isn't always cool to say you are "dating" someone until you are a senior in high school or college, so it makes sense to me that my teenagers would be interested in finding out how to be "dateable." At least this is what one of the latest Christian parenting teen book is teaching. 
Dateable is like courting but so much more doable, more
practical. . .as the book explains.
Boy meets girl. Boy and girl hang out
together for fun, but never think their relationship will be
lasting. The dateable theory goes. . .if teens remain dateable they are not
soiled by broken hearts. They never dive deeply into a relationship
because they realize it will not be the person they marry. So, teens can enjoy getting to know another teen as long as they remember it is not for keeps.
Wow!
What a great idea. If only we could put a program disk into our teen's
brain or take them to be reprogrammed to not have physical attraction
for a dateable friend. If we could learn to tell our body hormones when to turn on and when to go off.
The "solutions" often are not as easy as they appear. Parents can't make inner
heart choices for their children. Children are created by God with a
free-will! Sometimes homeschoolers can set standards that are too high.
Other times we try to create a fictitious world. "My child will never do
that," we think, as they crawl out of the window at night to meet a
'friend'.
I
remember last April I had to make the big decision. Was I going to
allow my 15 year old son to go to the Homeschool Prom and, thereafter, be
branded as 'one of those families' or was I going to stay clear of
anything that could soil our ten year homeschool reputation? Anyone that
knows me well, knows I took the deep plunge and was determined to enjoy
it!
Renting the tux was an event. After lunch with another
mom and son, we all went to the tux shop. A group of guys and gals
met at a very nice photo spot in town before they piled in cars for the
restaurant. We all decided it would be more enjoyable if they went as a group
instead of pairing off as dates, and yes, safer. My son had a
blast! He danced four hours straight with every girl that would say, "yes!"
I
dropped in for a peak the last thirty minutes or so. Slow dancing was just
so sweet. My son was all decked out in a tux, with
his hands around the waist of a girl, and hers around his neck with enough room
between them that I could easily have shimmied through. Something
about that picture of innocence made me happy inside. Christian morals could be maintained even in the darkened
room of a homeschool prom attended by the "wilder families giving in
to the ways of the world."
During the fast songs, I thought no one
would have never recognized them as homeschoolers. About three hundred
students packed the dance floor. It looked so fun and I
felt such a victory for these homeschool teens. They were learning how
to celebrate their youth, how to dance the night away without
compromising their values. I wanted to take a video and have it played
on late night news with the topic - "Surprise, these are Homeschoolers!"
It really
comes down to the heart of our child, not our rules. Do they know the
holiness of God? Have they truly experienced His presence? It is not so
much about my parenting as it is about leading them to know Him in an
intimate personal way, but this too is my child's choice.
I laugh
at how I am now considered a "wild homeschool mom." I let my children go to movies alone. They go to dances. They hang out at malls. I am walking on
the wild-side!
I ran downstairs to shower and get dressed. My 15-year old son just got the okay from a young girl his age that she could go to a 4 o'clock movie. We checked pluggedin.com to check for appropriateness and once this was settled, I had less than an hour to get ready.
I could just taste the movie buttered popcorn and the yummy raisinets. I was trying to decide if I would have a coke or an icee. As you can tell, food is an important part of going to the movies for me.
My son and I headed toward the theater. We made it down one street when he announced to me that he didn't want me to actually go "in" the movie theater with him, because he felt it would be embarrassing. My heart sunk a little, and I felt a pout coming.
I asked about the young girl's mom to see if he knew what she felt about them going alone to the movie. He already knew that her mom was fine with them going together. So bummer, I got bumped out of going to an afternoon movie by some nice young girl that my son is not "dating."
I think I was sadder about missing out on the munchies than not seeing the movie or really having any concern about them needing a chaperon in the middle of the day at the movies. I can't help but think, "Well so much for all the "dating rules" my husband and I made when our children were toddlers."
In homeschooling circles it isn't always cool to say you are "dating" someone until you are a senior in high school or college, so it makes sense to me that my teenagers would be interested in finding out how to be "dateable." At least this is what one of the latest Christian parenting teen book is teaching.
Dateable is like courting but so much more doable, more
practical. . .as the book explains.
Boy meets girl. Boy and girl hang out together for fun, but never think their relationship will be lasting. The dateable theory goes. . .if teens remain dateable they are not soiled by broken hearts. They never dive deeply into a relationship because they realize it will not be the person they marry. So, teens can enjoy getting to know another teen as long as they remember it is not for keeps.
Wow! What a great idea. If only we could put a program disk into our teen's brain or take them to be reprogrammed to not have physical attraction for a dateable friend. If we could learn to tell our body hormones when to turn on and when to go off.
The "solutions" often are not as easy as they appear. Parents can't make inner heart choices for their children. Children are created by God with a free-will! Sometimes homeschoolers can set standards that are too high. Other times we try to create a fictitious world. "My child will never do that," we think, as they crawl out of the window at night to meet a 'friend'.
I remember last April I had to make the big decision. Was I going to allow my 15 year old son to go to the Homeschool Prom and, thereafter, be branded as 'one of those families' or was I going to stay clear of anything that could soil our ten year homeschool reputation? Anyone that knows me well, knows I took the deep plunge and was determined to enjoy it!
Renting the tux was an event. After lunch with another mom and son, we all went to the tux shop. A group of guys and gals met at a very nice photo spot in town before they piled in cars for the restaurant. We all decided it would be more enjoyable if they went as a group instead of pairing off as dates, and yes, safer. My son had a blast! He danced four hours straight with every girl that would say, "yes!"
I dropped in for a peak the last thirty minutes or so. Slow dancing was just so sweet. My son was all decked out in a tux, with his hands around the waist of a girl, and hers around his neck with enough room between them that I could easily have shimmied through. Something about that picture of innocence made me happy inside. Christian morals could be maintained even in the darkened room of a homeschool prom attended by the "wilder families giving in to the ways of the world."
During the fast songs, I thought no one would have never recognized them as homeschoolers. About three hundred students packed the dance floor. It looked so fun and I felt such a victory for these homeschool teens. They were learning how to celebrate their youth, how to dance the night away without compromising their values. I wanted to take a video and have it played on late night news with the topic - "Surprise, these are Homeschoolers!"
It really comes down to the heart of our child, not our rules. Do they know the holiness of God? Have they truly experienced His presence? It is not so much about my parenting as it is about leading them to know Him in an intimate personal way, but this too is my child's choice.I laugh at how I am now considered a "wild homeschool mom." I let my children go to movies alone. They go to dances. They hang out at malls. I am walking on the wild-side!