This week I'm featuring an interview with Jan Ackerson. Jan is mother to a disabled adult and shares snippets of her journey to accepting her daughter's injury.
Debbie: You have a daughter in a wheelchair. Can you tell us how this came about and when?
Jan: Jericho was in a horseback riding accident when she was 18 years old and in her freshman year of college. She sustained an incomplete spinal cord injury at about waist level. This was eight and one-half years ago; since then she has regained enough function that she is able to walk somewhat - she uses two canes, and has braces on both legs. However, walking any sort of distance is very slow, so she uses a wheelchair several times a week.
Debbie: What range of emotions did you experience after the accident?
Jan: Well, first there was intense fear - not knowing the extent of her injury, and not knowing what the implications for her future were. We grieved for her and with her. She had been a vibrant, popular, and active young woman, and we mourned with her that loss of life. Then we dealt with anger - at the stables, for their inadequate supervision, and even at God. It felt at times that He had removed His hand of protection from Jericho. We were angry at people who said all the wrong things. There came a point, however, that the negative emotions faded away, and we were all at peace. I still deal with periodic episodes of depression, especially around the time of the 'anniversary' of the accident, but the main emotion I experience now is thankfulness for God's grace.
Debbie: What were the implications for you as a parent?
Jan: Jericho had left for college and was a very independent young lady. My husband and I were enjoying the freedom of having an 'empty nest'. After her stay in hospital, she came back to live with us for a year of continued recuperation and rehabilitation. Ben's a rehabilitation counselor by profession, and his approach to Jericho was all practical: he wanted to take care of details - getting her a driver's license, career counseling, working with her physical and occupational therapists. I wanted to nurture and care for her emotional and spiritual needs. Ben and I had some tension about that, when each of us felt that the other wasn't caring for her in the 'right' way.
Debbie: How long did it take to make the necessary adjustments?
Jan: There were physical adjustments we had to make to the house. A wheelchair ramp had to be built, Jericho's bedroom had to be moved downstairs, and other changes had to be made to make the house wheelchair-friendly.
Jericho was with us for a year, and then went back to college. We probably did more hovering than most parents of college-aged children do; she wanted to be as normal a college student as possible, and didn't want to make waves, but we felt we had to be in constant touch with the college - making sure they made all the necessary accommodations for her. That lasted four years ... then she got a teaching job and set up in her own apartment - which both terrified us and made us unspeakably proud.
Emotional adjustments followed approximately the same time sequence. Every time Jericho reached a new accomplishment, either at school or in physical therapy, we rejoiced with her. But there was the constant reminder, every day, that her life was not shaping up as she'd planned (or we'd envisioned). That was hard.
Debbie: Did you find that some people didn't know how to handle the situation?
Jan: Yes! Well-meaning Christians said some ridiculous things like 'If she really prays, God will heal her. Since He hasn't, there must be something wrong in her life'.
Others don't know how to deal with a person in a wheelchair.We've been with her in a restaurant, for example, and the waitress will ask me, "And what willshe have?" The assumption is that she must be mentally impaired since she's in a wheelchair.
Here are some things that Jericho has reported to me that annoy her - people who feel as if they're entitled to give her unsolicited advice about her injury, people who give her pitying looks, people who act as if she's invisible, people who use the handicapped stalls in public restrooms, inaccessible buildings, people who say she's 'lucky' because she gets to 'ride' all the time, and people who cut or stand in front of her, blocking her view.
Debbie: What sort of support did you need over the first few months?
Jan: Help with the physical arrangement of our house - our church family really helped there.
I would have loved to be able to talk to a parent who'd experienced something similar - I checked out some websites but nothing was a good match for me.
We had lots of questions about Jericho's physical condition once she came home, but we live in a small rural area, over three hours from the hospital where she was initially treated. Local doctors didn't have the knowledge we needed.
More spiritual support would have been nice, but I fault myself for not getting that. I put on the 'happy Christian' mask, and few people knew how desperately I was hurting. Then I got angry that no one could see through the mask.
Debbie: Jan, thank you for sharing from your heart and opening our eyes to the struggles your family has experienced. Your words will be an encouragement to us to when relating to people in wheelchairs.
This week I'm featuring an interview with Jan Ackerson. Jan is mother to a disabled adult and shares snippets of her journey to accepting her daughter's injury.
Debbie: You have a daughter in a wheelchair. Can you tell us how this came about and when?
Jan: Jericho was in a horseback riding accident when she was 18 years old and in her freshman year of college. She sustained an incomplete spinal cord injury at about waist level. This was eight and one-half years ago; since then she has regained enough function that she is able to walk somewhat - she uses two canes, and has braces on both legs. However, walking any sort of distance is very slow, so she uses a wheelchair several times a week.
Jan: Well, first there was intense fear - not knowing the extent of her injury, and not knowing what the implications for her future were. We grieved for her and with her. She had been a vibrant, popular, and active young woman, and we mourned with her that loss of life. Then we dealt with anger - at the stables, for their inadequate supervision, and even at God. It felt at times that He had removed His hand of protection from Jericho. We were angry at people who said all the wrong things. There came a point, however, that the negative emotions faded away, and we were all at peace. I still deal with periodic episodes of depression, especially around the time of the 'anniversary' of the accident, but the main emotion I experience now is thankfulness for God's grace.
Debbie: What were the implications for you as a parent?
Jan: Jericho had left for college and was a very independent young lady. My husband and I were enjoying the freedom of having an 'empty nest'. After her stay in hospital, she came back to live with us for a year of continued recuperation and rehabilitation. Ben's a rehabilitation counselor by profession, and his approach to Jericho was all practical: he wanted to take care of details - getting her a driver's license, career counseling, working with her physical and occupational therapists. I wanted to nurture and care for her emotional and spiritual needs. Ben and I had some tension about that, when each of us felt that the other wasn't caring for her in the 'right' way.
Debbie: How long did it take to make the necessary adjustments?
Jan: There were physical adjustments we had to make to the house. A wheelchair ramp had to be built, Jericho's bedroom had to be moved downstairs, and other changes had to be made to make the house wheelchair-friendly.
Jericho was with us for a year, and then went back to college. We probably did more hovering than most parents of college-aged children do; she wanted to be as normal a college student as possible, and didn't want to make waves, but we felt we had to be in constant touch with the college - making sure they made all the necessary accommodations for her. That lasted four years ... then she got a teaching job and set up in her own apartment - which both terrified us and made us unspeakably proud.
Emotional adjustments followed approximately the same time sequence. Every time Jericho reached a new accomplishment, either at school or in physical therapy, we rejoiced with her. But there was the constant reminder, every day, that her life was not shaping up as she'd planned (or we'd envisioned). That was hard.
Debbie: Did you find that some people didn't know how to handle the situation?
Others don't know how to deal with a person in a wheelchair.We've been with her in a restaurant, for example, and the waitress will ask me, "And what willshe have?" The assumption is that she must be mentally impaired since she's in a wheelchair.
Here are some things that Jericho has reported to me that annoy her - people who feel as if they're entitled to give her unsolicited advice about her injury, people who give her pitying looks, people who act as if she's invisible, people who use the handicapped stalls in public restrooms, inaccessible buildings, people who say she's 'lucky' because she gets to 'ride' all the time, and people who cut or stand in front of her, blocking her view.
Debbie: What sort of support did you need over the first few months?
Jan: Help with the physical arrangement of our house - our church family really helped there.
I would have loved to be able to talk to a parent who'd experienced something similar - I checked out some websites but nothing was a good match for me.
We had lots of questions about Jericho's physical condition once she came home, but we live in a small rural area, over three hours from the hospital where she was initially treated. Local doctors didn't have the knowledge we needed.
More spiritual support would have been nice, but I fault myself for not getting that. I put on the 'happy Christian' mask, and few people knew how desperately I was hurting. Then I got angry that no one could see through the mask.
Debbie: Jan, thank you for sharing from your heart and opening our eyes to the struggles your family has experienced. Your words will be an encouragement to us to when relating to people in wheelchairs.