This afternoon, I had to have a heart to heart with my son. I explained to him that tomorrow I return to work to complete the school year. While I'm gone, fortunately (and unfortunately due to unemployment) his dad will be watching him. I told him that I would miss him every minute I was gone, but wanted him to be good for his dad. His dad needed a lot of help and understanding from him as they figured out this daddy day care stuff together. I reassured him that I would spend all weekend with him, then go back to school for a week, then spend all weekend with him plus a Monday and then go back to work for three days. After that, I would be all his again for six wonderful weeks.
Since I chose to talk to him while he was eating, he didn't have too much to say about the situation.
So, I go back to work tomorrow and my heart breaks for more reasons than one. This last week I came to grips with the fact, after a lot of thought, discussion and some priesthood help, that I would be returning to teaching next year full time. Actually, "came to grips" isn't the right phrase, because I'm still trying to accept it. I'm just past the decision made step in the process.
After spending eight non-stop weeks with Johnathon (and Daddy, too), I'm returning to work. I realized how sad I was as I sat at a stoplight after leaving my parents, listening to Johnathon cry his heart out (for some reason he tends to throw a crying fit when leaving there, and started crying myself! Because you see, tomorrow, if he throws a crying fit, I won't get to hear it. I won't be anywhere nearby to help. It's going to be all Daddy. And next year, it could be all someone else, just not Mommy.
I knew it would be hard to go back to work, but it's even harder than I ever imagined.
I'm going to cherish every minute I can with him (and find some way for him to sleep while I'm gone so nothing exciting will happen that I would want to miss). I'm going to pray (even harder) that Jason finds someway to support us so that next year is the only year I have to sacrifice of my son's youth. And I'm going to keep having heart to hearts with my son until he can talk with me too.