October is Attachment Parenting month. Now, what does it mean, exactly, to attachment parent? Well, I’m sure if you ask 10 different people, you will get 10 different answers. To me, attachment parenting means, in general, to respect my child and be available - emotionally and physically - to them all (or 99 percent) of the time.
I was recently watching a morning show where the segment was all about “making moms feel less guilty.” I’ve got to say, I’m so tired of hearing about the moms! Being a mom is not about us…it’s about the kids! This woman who was being interviewed was saying that it doesn’t matter if you can only spend one or two hours a day with your child - as long as they are quality hours. That’s such a load of #*#$*, if you don’t mind me saying so. I’ve seen what happens to children who don’t have a parent who stays home. It’s not pretty. They are needy children. Very needy. And the needs manifest themselves in a lot of ways.
And Mem Fox was not wrong when she said that putting infants in daycare was child abuse. I can not, for the life of me, imagine abandoning a child under a year old to the care of someone else - for even a few hours a day! Am I saying that Grandma can’t babysit for the afternoon once in a while? Of course not! It’s really helpful for babies to get to know someone other than mom. My little one, Kiara, is particularly attached to Liam - our 10 year old. Now, I do not leave Liam alone in charge of her if I have to go out, but if I do go to a meeting or run to the store without her, and Dad or one of the teens is home, Liam is “exclusively” in charge of Kiara. He plays with her, changes her, etc. He can even put her to sleep! No one else in the family but me has claimed that distinction - and I usually require a boob to do it!
I’ve said this before and I will say it again. Babies and tots need to be held and loved by their mothers - and fathers - constantly. They need to know that we are always here, not that one day they will turn around and we will have disappeared.
According to Attachment Parenting International, “The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole.
The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we’d like them to interact with others.”
I believe this wholeheartedly. Does this mean I never discipline my children? Of course not. I am known for my roar occasionally and do not tolerate any sort of malice towards others - whether physical or verbal. I have a lot of boys, so it can be hard to distinguish the “boys will be boys” behavior and full on chaos and rebellion. I try to work through it, with patience and an occasional glass of wine on Friday night (Rockand Roll Friday, in our house).
It’s helpful, too, to have forums like API and Mothering Magazine, so that I know I’m not alone.
I encourage you to view the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting and do something to promote API month! Be attached to your kids…they’re in charge of what nursing home you’ll end up in!
October is Attachment Parenting month. Now, what does it mean, exactly, to attachment parent? Well, I’m sure if you ask 10 different people, you will get 10 different answers. To me, attachment parenting means, in general, to respect my child and be available - emotionally and physically - to them all (or 99 percent) of the time.
I was recently watching a morning show where the segment was all about “making moms feel less guilty.” I’ve got to say, I’m so tired of hearing about the moms! Being a mom is not about us…it’s about the kids! This woman who was being interviewed was saying that it doesn’t matter if you can only spend one or two hours a day with your child - as long as they are quality hours. That’s such a load of #*#$*, if you don’t mind me saying so. I’ve seen what happens to children who don’t have a parent who stays home. It’s not pretty. They are needy children. Very needy. And the needs manifest themselves in a lot of ways.
And Mem Fox was not wrong when she said that putting infants in daycare was child abuse. I can not, for the life of me, imagine abandoning a child under a year old to the care of someone else - for even a few hours a day! Am I saying that Grandma can’t babysit for the afternoon once in a while? Of course not! It’s really helpful for babies to get to know someone other than mom. My little one, Kiara, is particularly attached to Liam - our 10 year old. Now, I do not leave Liam alone in charge of her if I have to go out, but if I do go to a meeting or run to the store without her, and Dad or one of the teens is home, Liam is “exclusively” in charge of Kiara. He plays with her, changes her, etc. He can even put her to sleep! No one else in the family but me has claimed that distinction - and I usually require a boob to do it!
I’ve said this before and I will say it again. Babies and tots need to be held and loved by their mothers - and fathers - constantly. They need to know that we are always here, not that one day they will turn around and we will have disappeared.
According to Attachment Parenting International, “The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole.
The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we’d like them to interact with others.”
I believe this wholeheartedly. Does this mean I never discipline my children? Of course not. I am known for my roar occasionally and do not tolerate any sort of malice towards others - whether physical or verbal. I have a lot of boys, so it can be hard to distinguish the “boys will be boys” behavior and full on chaos and rebellion. I try to work through it, with patience and an occasional glass of wine on Friday night (Rockand Roll Friday, in our house).
It’s helpful, too, to have forums like API and Mothering Magazine, so that I know I’m not alone.
I encourage you to view the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting and do something to promote API month! Be attached to your kids…they’re in charge of what nursing home you’ll end up in!