Reading through the various comments was very interesting for me because this week I’ve been immersed in the topic.
I spent Tuesday and Wednesday in my child development class discussing nonviolent parenting. As I have taken some courses in non-violent parenting, I was asked (coerced) to assist. I’ve posted thoughts on it on several other blogs and discussed it with my friends. You’d think I should be done with this topic.
I’m not.
Non-violent parenting, sounds like a class for parents that slap their kids around, not us. Well, maybe. Based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg from The Center for Non Violent Communication, these parenting classes focus on taking the principles of this philosophy, which they add, are nothing new, and mixing in child development knowledge.
In other words, learning and using compassionate communication and empathetic listening in the context of what a child can comprehend.
Actually, they have quite a lot of this evocative, but not necessarily clear language on their site. But, in class, the concepts come alive with a few simple analogies: Jackal Talk, Giraffe Talk and your vision for your child.
Incidentally, spanking’s not even on the table. Wait, don’t go – this about whether or not you spank your child. It’s about how you talk to him or her…just bear with me.
OK – here’s the idea. What’s your vision for your child? What do you want him or her to be?
Trusting Independent Kind Good decision maker Compassionate Good communicator Respectful
Now, what is the dominant parenting paradigm, in terms of language?
“My way or the highway” “I don’t care what you think?’ “Because I said so” “How many times do I have to tell you?” “Because I’m the Mom”
That’s Jackel talk – harsh, no empathy or respect for child’s feelings
Here’s Giraffe talk
“I know you’d prefer that we do it your way; I understand” “You think such and such; hmmm, it’s tough when you have to do what I ask” “You’re asking me why we have to do something. It’s hard when I can’t really explain the reasons to you” “I know it’s difficult for you to do what I ask sometimes” “Because I love you”
Since, we’re all on a journey; we use Giraffe talk in our house…as much as possible. Sometimes we haven’t any idea what a Giraffe would say and the Jackal sneaks out. But, generally, we find that a calm voice (even when we’re boiling mad) is just as effective as an angry one.
Note, I don’t say MORE- it’s not more effective in getting what we want in the moment(it is about as effective - just takes longer) but, in the long term, we believe it will lead to our child growing into the adult we envision.
More non violent communication with children thoughts here.
OK, for some reason discipline is the topic of the week. Do you ever get those days when everything you read or do is on one subject?
Two bloggers I read both posted on discipline this week: Reasons Why Parents should not Spank at Overwhelmed With Joy and 22nd Time Out at Experience Imagination.
Reading through the various comments was very interesting for me because this week I’ve been immersed in the topic.
I spent Tuesday and Wednesday in my child development class discussing nonviolent parenting. As I have taken some courses in non-violent parenting, I was asked (coerced) to assist. I’ve posted thoughts on it on several other blogs and discussed it with my friends. You’d think I should be done with this topic.
I’m not.
Non-violent parenting, sounds like a class for parents that slap their kids around, not us. Well, maybe. Based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg from The Center for Non Violent Communication, these parenting classes focus on taking the principles of this philosophy, which they add, are nothing new, and mixing in child development knowledge.
In other words, learning and using compassionate communication and empathetic listening in the context of what a child can comprehend.
Actually, they have quite a lot of this evocative, but not necessarily clear language on their site. But, in class, the concepts come alive with a few simple analogies: Jackal Talk, Giraffe Talk and your vision for your child.
Incidentally, spanking’s not even on the table. Wait, don’t go – this about whether or not you spank your child. It’s about how you talk to him or her…just bear with me.
OK – here’s the idea. What’s your vision for your child? What do you want him or her to be?
Trusting
Independent
Kind
Good decision maker
Compassionate
Good communicator
Respectful
Now, what is the dominant parenting paradigm, in terms of language?
“My way or the highway”
“I don’t care what you think?’
“Because I said so”
“How many times do I have to tell you?”
“Because I’m the Mom”
That’s Jackel talk – harsh, no empathy or respect for child’s feelings
Here’s Giraffe talk
“I know you’d prefer that we do it your way; I understand”
“You think such and such; hmmm, it’s tough when you have to do what I ask”
“You’re asking me why we have to do something. It’s hard when I can’t really explain the reasons to you”
“I know it’s difficult for you to do what I ask sometimes”
“Because I love you”
Since, we’re all on a journey; we use Giraffe talk in our house…as much as possible. Sometimes we haven’t any idea what a Giraffe would say and the Jackal sneaks out. But, generally, we find that a calm voice (even when we’re boiling mad) is just as effective as an angry one.
Note, I don’t say MORE- it’s not more effective in getting what we want in the moment(it is about as effective - just takes longer) but, in the long term, we believe it will lead to our child growing into the adult we envision.
More non violent communication with children thoughts here.