I really want to put a question mark after that title but I think for it to be sincere, I must leave well alone... Leave it Angela, don’t touch.
2010 is around the corner and who knows what it will bring. The inevitable question in my head, is will it bring us a successful pregnancy or will we face more pain? Don’t get me wrong, 2009 has not been all bad. In the midst of our failed IVF cycle and even amidst our attempts to cope with the aftermath, there have been good times, smiles and belly laughs. But 2009 also made the world stand on its head. Or maybe it was me, standing on my head? I don’t know which - I just know that things don’t look the same anymore, things don’t feel the same anymore.
Maybe I need to speak with someone, someone to help me deal with this. I am trying to arrange to see a counsellor. I jumped three miles high in the air when they suggested it on the phone right after our cycle failed. Me?! A counsellor?! Who do you think I am? My mother? Yeah, didn’t go down well. I said no. Maybe I shouldn’t have done. I am trying to get an appointment to see someone locally. If it doesn’t work, I can always cancel.
But we have funding for our new cycle, and my period has finally come. The latter meaning that I have been able to call and ask them to arrange our next cycle. I was getting slightly worried about my period - ten years on the pill seems to have sent them a bit wonky. The only two I have had since my IVF cycle have been 50+ days apart and magicked by the acupuncturist. No worries though, it is here now. A joy for all of two seconds. Yay! My period! I can arrange the next cycle! …. (Two seconds later.) … Oh no! I have my period! Damn! Ha ha. So contrary, never happy.
So I have called the hospital, and left a message. And this time, I was under no illusions that they would answer the phone, and even fewer illusions that they would call back the same day. Ahhhh, the voice and knowledge of experience…
So maybe this time, whilst the hope will be tinged with pain and sadness of what has gone before, our experiences of what did happen before will cushion some of the stress. So, because I know they won’t call back the same day, I am no longer stressed when they don’t do so.
A new year with new beginnings. Who knows what will come, no route is easy, we just have to learn deal with it. Just! Ha!
2010 is around the corner and who knows what it will bring. The inevitable question in my head, is will it bring us a successful pregnancy or will we face more pain? Don’t get me wrong, 2009 has not been all bad. In the midst of our failed IVF cycle and even amidst our attempts to cope with the aftermath, there have been good times, smiles and belly laughs. But 2009 also made the world stand on its head. Or maybe it was me, standing on my head? I don’t know which - I just know that things don’t look the same anymore, things don’t feel the same anymore.
Maybe I need to speak with someone, someone to help me deal with this. I am trying to arrange to see a counsellor. I jumped three miles high in the air when they suggested it on the phone right after our cycle failed. Me?! A counsellor?! Who do you think I am? My mother? Yeah, didn’t go down well. I said no. Maybe I shouldn’t have done. I am trying to get an appointment to see someone locally. If it doesn’t work, I can always cancel.
But we have funding for our new cycle, and my period has finally come. The latter meaning that I have been able to call and ask them to arrange our next cycle. I was getting slightly worried about my period - ten years on the pill seems to have sent them a bit wonky. The only two I have had since my IVF cycle have been 50+ days apart and magicked by the acupuncturist. No worries though, it is here now. A joy for all of two seconds. Yay! My period! I can arrange the next cycle! …. (Two seconds later.) … Oh no! I have my period! Damn! Ha ha. So contrary, never happy.
So I have called the hospital, and left a message. And this time, I was under no illusions that they would answer the phone, and even fewer illusions that they would call back the same day. Ahhhh, the voice and knowledge of experience…
So maybe this time, whilst the hope will be tinged with pain and sadness of what has gone before, our experiences of what did happen before will cushion some of the stress. So, because I know they won’t call back the same day, I am no longer stressed when they don’t do so.
A new year with new beginnings. Who knows what will come, no route is easy, we just have to learn deal with it. Just! Ha!