A year on

Tomorrow will be the first anniversary, I guess, of my results. In your head you think the year has flown by but actually I feel like I have known for a very long time. And the memories of that day and the pain have faded.

Obviously I can still remember it, I can still see myself sitting there and hearing the news and walking down that corridor with Mr F's arms holding me up. And it does hurt to remember it.

But it's fading. And that is a good thing, because I'm moving on. Yes the news was devastating, yes in many ways it has changed my life, my attitude, my dreams, my diet... but it isn't my life. Maybe it will be in years to come if they fail to find a cure, but maybe it won't be.

It's there in my head, I'm not saying it's not. And it has definitely influenced things - small things and big huge things. It's always there, it will never go away. It never could. But it's not a great big massive thought/fear/blackhole dominating everything.

A year is a long time, and I am still glad I had the test. It was the right decision for us at that time in our lives. Life is as I wanted it to be a year ago if I was unlucky enough to have the gene.