Why I admire women with vaginismus who come for infertility treatment
Posted Apr 17 2012 10:34pm
Vaginismus is an extremely distressing problem where the woman is medically completely normal , but because of an involuntary spasm of the vagina muscles , she cannot allow vagina intercourse. Women with vaginismus experience shame and guilt because they blame themselves. They feel that they are depriving their husband of sexual pleasure , by not being able to have intercourse with him. Even worse, when people start asking questions as to when you plan to have a baby, they cringe with shame and embarrassment , because they know they will not be able to get pregnant , because they can't have sex in the first place. Because this causes so much distress, it’d very hard to share this problem and discuss it with anyone else. They feel they are freaks. While some husbands get understandably upset , many can be quite understanding because they love their wives , but don't really know how to resolve the problem because they don't want to inflict pain on their wife ! This becomes the elephant in the room which no one does anything about.
Sadly, most family physicians and gynecologists are not very helpful because this is an uncommon problem , and they don't know how to deal with it . They will often trot out well-meaning platitudes, such as - Just relax , and it will be fine , but this doesn't work , because it's a much more deeply seated problem.
The lack of self-esteem and inferiority complex which women with vaginismus suffer from makes the problem even worse. They beat up on themselves because they feel that if every other woman can have intercourse , they why can't they perform such a natural activity. They often get paralyzed into inactivity and don't know where to turn for help.
With the passage of time, once their friends start becoming mothers and their personal biological clocks tick on , they start feeling the stirrings of baby lust. This makes it extremely hard for them to know what to do.
I admire these women. Even though the idea of having anything put in their vagina makes them cringe and squirm, they still have the courage to be able to go in for infertility treatment. This requires a lot of guts !