Dr. John Gottman from the Relationship Research Institute, also referred to as The Love Lab, in Seattle, Washington claims that within five minutes, he can predict with 91% accuracy whether a married couple will enjoy years of marital bliss or crash and burn.
He and his team, after studying hundreds of couples and scientifically scrutinizing their interactions, have found four negative qualities that predict divorce and seven positive that predict success.
As I read these, it struck me that these qualities, both positive and negative, are remarkably similar to those of people who overcome an injury and those who don't.
First, the negative:
- Criticism: Global negative statements about your partner’s character or personality.
Global negative statements about your injury or situation; failure to find positive changes no matter how big or small.
- Contempt: Sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering,
mockery and hostile humor can be poisonous because they convey disgust.
"It won't make any difference anyway...that'll never work..."
- Defensiveness: This is a way of blaming your partner and can escalate the conflict.
Blaming others for your predicament; failure to accept choices you made that either created your problem or sustain it.
- Stonewalling: A partner may disengage from the relationship,
signaled by looking away without saying anything and acting as though
he/she doesn’t care about what the other is saying.
Ignoring symptoms, refusing to discuss or acknowledge the severity of the problem; "It's not that bad....I'm fine."
According to Gottman, the presence of these four qualities in a relationship predict the end of the relationship with an 82% degree of accuracy . I don't know of any similar research in the injury field but I've said many times that the key to overcoming an injury does not rest primarily in the technical domain. It's not in the head where you win the battle. It's in the heart.
You have to focus your thoughts and energies on a positive frame of mind, be willing to face the issues, take responsibility, and be grateful for the improvements no matter how small to over come an injury or the after effects of surgery. If you don't, you won't fully recover.
And what about the seven qualities that build a great marriage and enhance your chances of recovery from injury?
Coming soon.
Dr. John Gottman from the Relationship Research Institute, also referred to as The Love Lab, in Seattle, Washington claims that within five minutes, he can predict with 91% accuracy whether a married couple will enjoy years of marital bliss or crash and burn.
He and his team, after studying hundreds of couples and scientifically scrutinizing their interactions, have found four negative qualities that predict divorce and seven positive that predict success.
As I read these, it struck me that these qualities, both positive and negative, are remarkably similar to those of people who overcome an injury and those who don't.
First, the negative:
According to Gottman, the presence of these four qualities in a relationship predict the end of the relationship with an 82% degree of accuracy . I don't know of any similar research in the injury field but I've said many times that the key to overcoming an injury does not rest primarily in the technical domain. It's not in the head where you win the battle. It's in the heart.
You have to focus your thoughts and energies on a positive frame of mind, be willing to face the issues, take responsibility, and be grateful for the improvements no matter how small to over come an injury or the after effects of surgery. If you don't, you won't fully recover.
And what about the seven qualities that build a great marriage and enhance your chances of recovery from injury?
Coming soon.