I was diagnosed in 2005 with an incurable, progressive debilitating neurological condition called RSD (reflex sympathetic dystrophy ) or aka CRPS.
It felt like my life was over. And, I was mad! Mad at the condition, mad at the doctor who performed the surgery that triggered the RSD. But, most of all I was mad at GOD....
What had I done in my life, that was so bad I should be stricken in the prime of my life? My life had revolved around my family and work. I never hurt anyone intentionally; I obeyed the Ten Commandments as best as I could. No, I didn't attend church regularly because I was on the road every Sunday flying to client sites. But, I still held my Christian beliefs. I spoke to GOD every day thanking him for my wonderful life. I knew I was fortunate. I had a great family and an exciting, well paying job that I loved.
All that changed in Jan 2005, and I was not prepared for the journey that lay ahead. I was not ready to become dependent on others for the very basics in life like eating, dressing and bathing. I felt like a child and it was humiliating. Just getting up in the morning required assistance and then came the day I could no longer walk at all. My wheelchair felt like a mechanical prison. Everyone looked down on me; everything was out of my reach when I was in the chair.
Anger is destructive and time consuming; I really refined the "Art of Anger". It was everyone else's fault I ended up in this situation. I no longer spoke to friends and they couldn't understand why I was so mad all the time. I needed to change to save myself....
So, I started the hardest part of my journey. Instead of turning my anger inward, I found other more constructive ways to deal with it. No, I'm not perfect. Yes, some days I still get frustrated and angry. But, I know the signs to watch for and catch myself before it consumes me.
Here are some of the signs of anger: Learn to recognize them. Seek help from a physiologist or a counselor if you cannot re-channel your energy alone. Join a support group . There are so many good forums out there that allow you to express your anger and frustration without being judged.
Some physical signs of anger include:
clenching your jaws or grinding your teeth
increased and rapid heart rate
sweating, especially your palms
feeling hot in the neck/
Emotionally you may feel:
like you want to get away from the situation
like striking out verbally or physically
Also, you may notice that you are:
rubbing your head
cupping your fist with your other hand
losing your sense of humor
acting in an abusive or abrasive manner
craving a drink, a smoke or other substances that relax you
raising your voice
beginning to yell, scream, or cry
Know that you are not alone. Everyone has these feeling sometimes.