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Tears of loss versus tears of joy

Posted Dec 14 2009 12:00am

Tonight I went to my daughters schools end of year prize giving. Its her final year there and I had been informed by her teacher that I should turn up to it as she was receiving something. I was going to go anyway to watch her perform in the Kapa Haka  group (Maori dance group) and Pasifica Group (islander group) she is of neither nationality being Egyptian but wanted to participate. She was her House leader also this year and is a studious dedicated student.
I have never pressured her or any of my kids, I have preferred to be on the side line supporting and giving help when needed.
She is the type of kid who gets homework on a Monday and has all week to do it, but instead she does it all in one night. She loves books, reading, writing and that's where we are similar I suppose, my self I hate study but prefer research, she loves homework and study.
Tonight I am proud of her more than usual.
As the awards were given out my friend laila (who died in 2007) her daughter who turned six this year, received an award for best girl in her year.
Watching wee Mya climb the stairs tears streamed down my face, her mother would have been so proud. My friend Sarah who was sitting next to me wept silently also for Mya.
I pictured instead Laila standing with her daughter on the stage.

I had very little time with Mya in the last 18 months because of a decision her grandmother had to make between myself and her other daughter.  I understood completely, her surviving daughter who has many issues was always jealous of the relationship I had with her sister(whom I treated as a little sis) and started many problems. 
Understanding the issue I bowed out, only seeing wee Mya once she started school and even then I would leave her with tears flowing remembering a promise I had made to always be there for Mya as much as I could.
Mya would say I love you (pet name for mwah) can I come and stay at your house again, she wrote me cards and drew pictures. It was heartbreaking as I also loved and missed her mum and grandmother whom I was also very fond of.
I watched Mya walk down the stage steps her hair beautiful long, black and shiny.
I saw her mum in her.
Sarah and I both pulled each other together and watched the next performances. Sarah knew Laila also. Mya was turning three when she lost her Mum.

There is a group of four us who all met through our kids six years ago, we still catch up for coffee, support each other and are bonded in spite of our kids. We all sat together at the prize giving. We were all proud of our kids as they all received sporting or other awesome awards.
We clapped our way through prize giving's, dances, music recitals and finally my daughters year was announced.
To my utter shock and pleasure my girl received the top girl excellence award. I burst into tears again, being one who doesn't do public displays in general, my friends were shocked and took photos of me (the buggars) I suppose they have to really they don't see this gal do tears.

Hebah is an all rounder, exceeding the usual for writing, her character etc was judged. This is her doing, not mine, I won't take her glory, her achievement, she is unique and herself.
I could never be so proud of her as right now.
Leaving the Hall I saw the grandmother of wee Mya.
I quickly grabbed her and kissed her cheek.
She went to get Mya.

Later we stood on the steps and I talked to the wee girl. I looked up and saw grandma burst into tears "I miss her so much, she should have been here", I grabbed her, embraced her and wept openly with her, telling her I believed and felt the same.
That I have loved and missed them terribly.
We clung to each other for several minutes, sobbed and spoke of meeting up again.
People looked on and must have wondered what had happened.
The past had happened and the future all in a moment.
Pride, joy, grief, loss and new beginnings for two little girls, one who is becoming a young woman and a very proud Dad.
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